O. I don’t give a shit what my dad says or does. Did he put his hands on you?”
“No. I’m fine. Really. Stop worrying about it. I just need to be more careful. You know, lock my doors and shit. It'll be fine now that I know who to look out for.”
“Babe …”
“No. Don’t start with me, Dominic. I already feel shitty enough being away from home, you’re just going to make it worse. Besides, I might have met a friend today so it’s looking up. I mean, it can’t get much worse, right?”
“What friend?”
“A guy at school.”
“What’s his name?”
“For fuck’s sake, Nic. His name is Milo and he’s more inclined to climb into bed with you than me.”
I hear a soft exhale through the phone and I shake my head at his moronic ways. My four boys will never change. They’re always so protective of me. Sometimes I love it and other times … well, other times it makes me want to strangle them and dismember their corpses.
Okay, that might have been a little far but my point has been made. I couldn’t live without them though. They’re as much my family as mom is.
“So … this Milo guy? He’s alright?”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I only met him today but he seemed okay. He stayed with me so I wasn’t left to fend off the wolves by myself. He’s kind of nerdy and he’s a teacher’s aid. I guess it doesn’t get much better than that. He won’t hurt me. He even offered to drive me to and from school so I don't have to ride with Colton.”
Nic goes silent for a moment and I know he’s deep in thought. He doesn’t like this whole trying to protect me from far away thing, but reminding him that I don’t need his protection isn’t exactly going to go down well. He finally scoffs but it comes out as more of a breathy chuckle. “Milo is a stupid name anyway.”
“Are you serious?” I laugh. “You have the maturity level of a doorknob.”
“Like you’re one to talk,” he says with a smile in his tone before everything suddenly turns serious. “I miss you.”
My chest starts to ache. “Miss you too, Nic.”
“I don’t mean because you are far away and living with those rich pricks. I miss us. You and me together. We were so good.”
“I know that’s what you mean but I can’t do it again. You crushed me.” I let out a heavy sigh, feeling the weight pressing down on my chest. “I don’t know if maybe I just need more time to forgive and forget or if I’ll never be able to try again. I don’t know but every time I even think about the idea of you and me, all I see is the image of Carmen riding your dick and it hurts so damn bad. I just … I’m sorry. I don’t think I can get past it. At least, not yet.”
“You’re my girl, Ocean,” he tells me in that same no-bullshit tone. “You know it’s going to be me and you. We’re meant to be together. I know you feel how right it is.”
“There’s a difference between it feeling right and actually being right.”
“Babe, come on. I’ll try harder. I swear. I saw how much the Carmen bullshit hurt you. I could never do that to you again.”
My voice falls to barely a whisper as I struggle to get the words past the lump building in my throat. “You see, that’s just the thing Nic. When you’re with the love of your life and you’ve found the woman of your dreams, you shouldn’t have to try. The need to cheat wouldn’t be there, not even the temptation because I would be all that you need.”
“You are,” he murmurs.
“I’m not, Nic.”
“You know I would go back and change it if I could. I hate that I hurt you.”
“I know you would.”
There’s a comfortable silence between us as the heaviness of our conversation sinks in and with every passing second, it becomes easier to breathe. It was six months ago, yet it still hurts so bad. It was a betrayal that I wasn’t prepared for. I hadn’t even considered it especially from someone who loved me the way Nic had. I thought he was my end game.
“Alright, girl. Dad’s calling. I gotta go. I love you.”
“K. Love you too,” I say before ending the call and letting the phone drop to my chest.
I miss him so much already.