the sudden tears catching her off guard. She leaned into Adam’s arms, wondering if he would move, send her cascading to the floor to break apart with the pieces scattered there. But Adam caught her, held her.
“You and Jarrod hate me. If I stop taking the Siders, we’re not going to have any money, Adam!” she said, her voice cracking.
“We’ll figure it out.” He tightened his grip around her, rubbing her back. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
“No, it’s not! Everything’s falling apart! Even Az gave up on me.” The words escaped in hyperventilated gasps.
Adam pulled back. “Who’s Az?”
Eden rubbed her hand on her pants, wincing as she opened the nightstand. She pulled the picture from the drawer, wrapping her arms around the frame and holding it close. Finally, she turned it to face Adam.
“Is this him?” he said, gently taking the frame from her hands to get a closer look.
She’d stared at the image so often it didn’t register anymore, only the smell of the ocean, a lingering taste of happiness that was easier to push away than recall.
She could never quite get over the look on her face. The pure bliss in her stupid, trusting smile. The girl caught there was too much of a contrast to what she saw in the mirror to be real.
“Old boyfriend?” She couldn’t answer, dropping her head in a half nod.
Her hair was longer in the picture. A flash of Az, her long strands dancing across his chest as she leaned down. I love your hair. She’d cut it the first night in the apartment. Anything to shed the last of her old life. A pink fingerprint still stained the porcelain from the dye. After, she’d held the picture over the toilet, a lighter hovering near the corner. She hadn’t been able to burn it.
“You were serious about him?” Adam asked. She heard the longing in his voice for the answer, needing her to let him in, give him a glimpse inside. “What happened?”
She let out a bitter laugh. “He hit me up with some terrible pick-up line and I told him to fuck off.” The words came easier than she’d thought they would, each one a little weight falling away. “And then I fell in love with him.” Her smile faltered. “And then he lied to me. Made me believe horrible things. He’s why I killed myself. And everything since has been shit.”
“Hey, now.” Adam tucked a short lock of her hair behind her ear, and put two fingers under her chin, lifting her head. “It hasn’t all been bad. Has it?”
Eden’s vision tunneled, focused on the nervous flick of his tongue. The air in the room thickened, every second drawn out into a thousand parts. You’ve known this was coming, her mind whispered. Az stopped calling.
For a moment, she leaned forward, the urge to feel wanted again overwhelming. She could close her eyes, pretend it was…Eden broke his gaze, turning from him.
Adam pulled away, his hand lingering on her cheek.
“I can’t do this….” she whispered.
“I’m not asking you to. I just wanted you to know,” he said, taking a step back, giving her space. He dropped the picture onto the mattress. “That you have someone,” he finished, his eyes downcast.
“Did you have anyone? Before?” she asked, following his lead into the subject change, not quite ready for him to leave.
“No. Nothing, you know, important. I was never really big on friends, girl or otherwise.” He shrugged.
“Is that why you did it?” she asked, not bothering to clarify the “it” to which she referred.
“Honestly, I don’t really remember why. I was in the woods. I had the rope there, I remember…wanting to stop, but…after there was nothing. I ever tell you that?”
“No,” Eden admitted.
For a long moment neither of them spoke. “What about you?” he asked.
Eden paused. “I don’t remember.”
“If you don’t want to tell me…” He stood there awkwardly, waiting.
She shrugged. “I was at the beach. Drowned, probably. Same result.”
His fingers hovered near the knob, hesitating. “So, about the rave…”
She sighed hard. “Adam, please. Not today.”
“Eden. We’re worried about you. Something’s gotta give. You can’t keep this up forever.”
“Then I’ll keep it up as long as I can. Without me they’re just stuck. It’s not fair.”
He was silent for a long moment. “What Jarrod said, about you being addicted,” he started carefully.
She looked up. “Adam, come on. You know it’s not like that. I’m the only one that can help them.” She sat down on the bed, pulling her