to let anyone know that she was beginning a new relationship. Keeping the focus off her for a moment, she asked, “What about you?”
“I just hope to get through that without killing myself!” Caitlyn laughed. “Bekki and I run often, but we’re hardly marathon trainers!”
“Speaking of Bekki, how are things with her and Killian?”
Caitlyn smiled, shaking her head slightly. “She’s in love… head over heels in love. Of course, the fact that he’s in love with her, too, makes it all perfect.”
Erin studied her sister, realizing how much in the past year since she’d been home from the military she’d focused on her own grief and hadn’t spent much time looking at her siblings’ lives other than the obvious new relationships. Caitlyn’s gaze was downcast, her hands in her lap. Erin noticed her sister’s shoulders were rounded slightly as a little sigh slipped out.
“You and Bekki have been best friends since the two of you popped out. I know you’ve gone your separate ways a bit as your careers went in different directions, but it always seemed like it was the two of you. Is it strange not having her in your life in quite the same way as before Killian?”
Caitlyn’s head jerked up, her gaze landing on Erin’s, and her mouth opened as though to refute her supposition. Then Caitlyn sighed again, more heavily this time, and nodded. “Outside of my own family, Bekki is my closest friend. It’s strange, I couldn’t be happier for her to have found love. And yet there’s that tiny part of me that’s envious. I’m so glad she has Killian, but I can’t help but wish that I had someone special, too.”
“It’s okay, you know.”
Caitlyn’s head tilted to the side, her brows lowered. “What’s okay?”
“To be a little sad. To be a little envious. To see something wonderful that a friend or relative has and to be so happy for them, and yet at the same time wish you had it, too. If you didn’t feel that way, I’d think there was something wrong with you.”
Caitlyn’s lips twitched before they spread into a smile. “God, Erin, I forgot how good it was to talk to you. It’s really nice to have you back. Those years you were in the Army, I missed you so much.”
Erin swallowed past the lump in her throat, knowing there was so much more Caitlyn could have said. “I also missed you when you were laying in your room in the dark. I missed you when you were so full of grief that you could barely speak to the family.” Erin sighed. Yeah, there were lots of things Caitlyn could have added.
“I can hear you thinking from over here,” Caitlyn said. “You never have to worry about us. We all knew you were going through something major, we just hoped that you’d be able to eventually talk about it.”
“Well, I guess no one expected what came out of my mouth the other week, did they?”
Caitlyn shifted, drawing her legs up under her, still holding her gaze. “I don’t think anyone suspected everything you told us, but sis, loss was written all over you. We just didn’t know how bad the loss really was.”
They were silent for a moment, then Caitlyn asked, “You know if you ever want to talk about him… John… you know you can with me.”
Her heart pounded, but it was encased in warmth. “I’m really lucky. Both my sisters are in the exact right profession. You’re both caring and giving, and I think in trying to protect my own heart, I kept you all away. But that also kept me from accepting what you had to give. I’ll try to remember that, and if I ever need to talk about him, I will.”
Caitlyn nodded her agreement, then set her now-empty wine glass onto the coffee table. Running her fingers through her long hair, she pulled the thick tresses away from her face before letting them drop down her back. “As far as my career, I sometimes wonder. I love teaching teenagers, and I love English. The kids? So many challenges that sometimes I feel like I spend most of my time listening to their problems more than teaching them English literature.”
“I haven’t even asked about your dating life.”
Caitlyn barked out a laugh. “What dating life? I have no dating life! Would you believe that Killian even said to Bekki that he thought she and I were high maintenance before he got to know us? Me? High