Simple gets up to two years in the slammer, aggravated carries twenty years.”
“That’s good to know.”
“Write it down ’cause your memory sucks. Two-on-one with the intent to do serious body damage qualifies as aggravated. At Parchman. Who’ll take care of your wife and three kids while you’re away?”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
“That, son, is now out of your control. Jake identified you, and the man with the gun saw your truck flee the scene.”
His shoulders sagged a bit and he looked around for something. “He don’t even know me.”
“He saw you in court, said it was the Kofer boy with the mangy red beard. We talked to Barry and his mangy beard is black, not red. Why don’t you guys buy some razor blades?”
“I’ll write that down.”
Moss Junior hammered away. “The sentencin’ judge will be Omar Noose. He’s quite fond of Jake and he’s very upset that one of his lawyers got the shit beat out of him because of a case pending in his court. He’ll throw the book at you.”
“Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“We’ll report back to Ozzie and he’ll send us out tomorrow to make the arrest. You want to do it here or at your house, in front of your kids?”
“I’ll get a lawyer.”
“Not in this county you won’t. You can’t find one who’ll risk pissin’ off Judge Noose. Here or at home?”
His shoulders dropped even further and the tough guy act was over. “For what now?”
“For your arrest. We’ll take you to jail, book you, put you in a cell, bail will be somethin’ like ten grand so round up a thousand in cash and you can bond out. Here or at home?”
“Here, I guess.”
“See you tomorrow.”
* * *
—
THE PHYSICAL THERAPIST was a strong bossy woman named Marlene who first wanted to take a peek at Jake’s balls. He flatly refused. She found it funny and Jake wondered if the entire hospital staff was snickering at his expense. Was anything private in a hospital?
With Carla gently tugging on one side, he managed to delicately pivot and hang his feet off the bed.
“You ain’t leavin’ here until you can walk to that door and back,” Marlene said, challenging him. She cupped her hand under one armpit and Carla took the other. Jake slid down until his bare feet touched the cold linoleum floor, and grimaced as spears of pain shot through his groin, ribs, and all the way up through his neck and skull. He felt dizzy and hesitated for a second as he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He took a small step, then another, then said, “Let go.” They released him and he began to shuffle. His enormous testicles ached and prevented anything resembling a normal gait or even normal posture, and he waddled like a bowlegged duck to the door and slapped the handle. He proudly turned around and took eight steps back to his bed. “There. Now check me out of here.”
“Not so fast, cowboy. Do it again.”
His legs were weak and unsteady, but he walked to the door and back. As painful as walking was, he was invigorated to be off his back and doing something that was close to normal. After the fourth little trip, Marlene asked, “Why don’t you take a pee?”
“I don’t need to pee.”
“Do it anyway. Let’s see if you can go to the toilet by yourself.”
“You wanna come watch?”
“Not really.”
Jake waddled to the bathroom door, stepped inside, and closed it behind him. He pulled up his gown and tucked the hem under his chin. Slowly, he looked down at his monstrous privates and laughed in sheer disbelief. A painful, gleeful howl that caused Carla to knock on the door.
* * *
—
LATE WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, Jake was sitting up in his hospital bed with Carla at his feet. They were watching cable news when there was a tap on the door. It was opening when Jake said, “Come in.” Ozzie and Moss Junior were back. Carla muted the television.
“Doc says you’re leavin’ in the mornin’,” Ozzie said.
“Not soon enough,” Jake said.
“That’s good to hear. You feelin’ better?”
“A hundred percent.”
“You still look like hell,” Moss Junior said.
“Thanks. It’ll take some time.”
“Come on, guys,” Carla said. She moved to the other side of the bed and faced the men. Ozzie nodded at Moss Junior who said, “We paid a visit to Cecil Kofer this mornin’, found him at work. He’s got a real knot and cut on his forehead. Of course he denies everything but he’s