bantered.
“Nuh-uh. When you win, I go harder on you.”
I laughed. “Remind me to lose next time. What happens when you win?”
He grinned. “I’ll be giving that question some serious thought.”
Li backed away and stood under the porch light, watching me drive off.
I climbed wearily into bed thinking that, given enough time, I might actually learn to like Li. He was fun and sweet. I didn’t really feel anything for him other than friendship, but maybe that could change in the future. Normal life was starting to feel . . . normal again. I rolled onto my side, cuddled under my grandmother’s quilt, and accidentally knocked my white stuffed tiger off the bed.
For a while, I considered leaving it on the floor or putting it in the closet. I lay still, quietly staring at the ceiling, trying to muster the strength of mind to do it. My resolve lasted only five minutes, and I berated myself for being weak. Leaning over the bed, I cuddled my stuffed tiger to my chest, apologizing profusely for even thinking about it.
4
A Christmas Present
Now that Halloween was over, my focus turned to preparing for finals and avoiding Artie. Somehow, he tracked down my cell phone number and called me at exactly 5:00 p.m. every evening. Sometimes, he waited for me after class. The guy would not take a hint.
I also spent time trying to sort out my feelings for Jason. We went on a few more dates, but I always felt like we were communicating on two different wavelengths. He thought Shakespeare, poetry, and books were boring, and I couldn’t appreciate the subtle differences between college and pro teams. I don’t think he cared much that we weren’t compatible. Deep down, I knew that my relationship with Jason was not heading anywhere, but he was a mental diversion, and I still liked to partner with him in class.
Just when I thought I had casual dating figured out, Li decided to make it even more complicated. We were chatting in the studio when he suddenly became quiet. He rolled his water bottle back and forth nervously between his palms.
Finally, he spoke, “Kelsey . . . I wanted to ask you if you’d like to see me. Alone. Like a real date.”
My mind started to race with confused thoughts. “Oh. Umm, yeah, sure,” I said slowly. “I like hanging out with you. You’re a lot of fun and easy to talk to.”
He grimaced. “Right, but do you like me like me, or do you just like me?”
I thought for a minute about what to say next. “Well, to be honest with you, I think you’re great, and I like you a lot. In fact, you’re at the top of my like list. But, I don’t know if I can be serious with anyone right now. I just sort of broke up with someone recently, and it still hurts.”
“Oh. It’s hard to get over things like that. I understand. I’d still want to see you, though. I mean, if you think you’d like to go out with me and if you’re ready to.”
I considered a moment. “Okay, I’d like that.”
“So, how about we start with a martial arts movie? There’s a place that shows old movies at midnight on Friday nights. Want to go?”
“Okay, but only if you promise to teach me one of the cool moves from the movie,” I added, happy that we had settled the matter. Sort of, anyway, I thought as we parted ways.
Li and I began to see each other outside of game night and in class. He was a gentleman and our dates were always fun and interesting. Despite having all this attention, I felt lonely. It wasn’t the kind of loneliness I could cure by being around other people. My soul felt lonely. Nighttime was the hardest because I felt him, even an ocean away. An invisible tether was wrapped tightly around my heart, connecting us. Its relentless pull kept trying to tug me back. Maybe someday the cords would wear and finally break.
Wushu class was the perfect outlet for venting some of the frustration I felt with my life. The moves were precise and didn’t require any emotions at all, which was a welcome change. I was starting to get pretty good too. My arms and legs had more definition, and I felt much stronger as well. If someone attacked me, I might actually be able to fend them off, which was an empowering thought. Who needed tiger protection? I’d