Not at all. Now, what about you? You’ve just been firing questions at me this whole time. Tell me about you?”
He sipped his hot cocoa and hummed. “Well, my current celebrity crush would have to be Chris.”
“Chris who?”
“Hemsworth, Evans, and Pine.”
“All three?”
Hamish shrugged in an it-is-what-it-is kinda way. “My first celebrity crush was the Beast from Beauty and the Beast.”
“The Beast?”
He laughed and nodded. “Yep. I was probably about six when I first saw it. I think my parents bought the movie for Liv but I must have watched it a thousand times. Not only did I love Belle and I wanted to be Belle because of her yellow ballgown and her library, but also because the Beast fell in love with her.”
I laughed so much I almost spilled my hot chocolate. “That’s so funny!”
He waved his hand. “So yes, I knew my type was big, burly men from an early age. My first sexual encounter happened in my first year of college. I was a late bloomer compared to you, Mr high-school-football man snacking on his teammates in the lockers,” he said with a grin, and it made me chuckle. “His name was Daniel Yang and he was gorgeous. I’ve had some boyfriends, one guy for about two years; his name was Antonio Moretti and he was a real nice guy, but in the end, we weren’t what we wanted. That was two years ago, and I guess that’s when Sydney lost its shine for me. Liv was already gone and everything else felt . . . suffocating. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but I knew I needed to leave.”
“So you sold everything, packed up what was left, and got on a plane.”
He gave a nod. “Yep.”
“I spent eighteen months in LA,” I admitted.
“Oh, when you said you spent time there and then in Canada, I just assumed it was a holiday or vacation.”
I shook my head. “I followed my heart there. Met a guy who was doing cable work through the mountains. It was a six-month stint, and anyway, Benny was cute and fun, and we fell in love.” I swallowed the last of my cocoa and set the empty mug on the coffee table. “But then, of course, it came time for him to leave. He couldn’t stay in Hartbridge. He wouldn’t stay, more to the point. His job paid good money and it seemed foolish to give that up, so he asked me to go back to LA with him. I wasn’t sure. I mean, everything I’ve ever known was here, but Dad told me to follow my heart. He didn’t want me to regret not going. So I did. And for a while it was great. We had a cute apartment, we went out all the time, and it was so different from here. But he worked away a lot, and my job at Home Depot was okay, but . . .”
“But it wasn’t home.”
I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t. And things were great, until they weren’t. I was homesick. I missed my dad, I missed the friendly faces, the slower pace. I broke Benny’s heart, but I couldn’t stay.”
Hamish frowned. “That must have been awful.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t fun. That was five years ago. I came back and bought my house, like I was telling myself I was staying. I haven’t seen anyone since then. Which is probably the gay equivalent of eternity.”
He smiled at that. “You have to do what’s right for you. Other people’s expectations are a load of horseshit.”
I stared at the fire for a long while because staring at Hamish would probably unravel me. “I was resigned to being alone forever,” I admitted. “Once I came back here, I knew I’d never leave. Not for long, anyway. This was my home and it felt like I had to choose. I mean, I did choose. I chose Hartbridge over love.”
“But you didn’t just choose Hartbridge,” Hamish said quietly. “You chose your dad, your family business, your friends. People who know your name, who ask how your day is and actually care to hear your reply. Finding a place not to call home, but a place that actually feels like home is a privilege.”
I looked at him then, thankful he was on the other couch or I’m sure I would have kissed him right then and there. “Exactly,” I whispered.
“So you thought being alone was the going exchange rate for coming home?”
I nodded slowly. “I just figured finding someone