is? Because I don’t think I can take the suspense anymore. And if you want to not stress me out, then lay it on me. I’m ready. Although I’m glad you told them to step out because I really cannot take any more of his bullshit. Whose is it?”
The doctor tells me, and my heart being the illogical thing that it is, falls.
I stand up, walk to the door and numbly mutter out of habit, “Thanks.”
Dr. Morris says something but it evaporates.
In the waiting room Troy and Jack are alone except for the nurse typing away, fingers pausing as she spots me.
She might already know, and I hate her for that. So I walk past them all, Jack and Troy following me down the long hallway until we are outside.
Is this what fresh air tastes like now that my life has changed? Is this the same air that Jack breathed when he needed a moment alone? Did he mean it when he said he wouldn’t leave? No matter what?
As the double doors swoosh behind them, Jack and Troy space themselves apart to hear the verdict. I look at my Viking and tell him, “Jack was right. It isn’t yours.”
A hurricane of emotions overtakes Troy’s body.
Jack closes his eyes for a brief moment and drops his gaze to the sidewalk as he waits.
Will he really stay?
Does he want to be a father?
Am I alone?
I can’t lose him.
If I have to lose one, it can’t be Jack.
I know that now.
Troy nods acceptance. My throat is dry, a lump of anger and hurt stuck inside.
“Let’s go home,” Jack says, voice somber.
The three of us walk to his Tesla, the preferred vehicle of late. He has thirty to choose from, but this one is his favorite. A confirmed bachelor gave up his free lifestyle to be with me. But to raise his baby? Would he really be all in?
It’s a four-door and as Troy starts to get in the back, he pauses and looks to the clinic.
I slide into the passenger seat up front, my heart beat frozen. Is he coming? I want to ask, but I’m too proud. The engine is silent, and I can hear Jack’s breathing. He reaches over and takes my hand, squeezing it.
Behind us, Troy gets in. I exhale and Jack takes hold of the wheel with both hands to guide the car home.
On the welcome mat are two dozen pink roses delivered in a vase. I lift them and read the card:
More in love with you every day. Jack.
He pauses, key in the lock, and looks at me. We don’t know what’s going to happen next and we’re not cool with that. Ambiguity doesn’t fit our personalities.
Troy is slow moving as he walks up, eyes on the flowers, jaw clenched. Motioning for me to walk in ahead of him, he waits and plays the gentleman. It doesn’t occur to me until I’m already inside that he usually doesn’t open doors for me. We have more of a friends-peers-brother-sister vibe, but with sex added. Always have. The gesture is formal rather than romantic, today.
I place the flowers on the iron and wood accent table, open a window behind it, the air stale. Or is it just that I can’t breathe? Turning, I see Troy watching me. “Are you really leaving?”
He crosses his arms, then uncrosses them. “I don’t know.” Pacing in a circle he demands, voice rising, “Do you know how hard this is for me?!”
“I can tell it is.”
Troy looks at Jack. “You understand, don’t you?”
Jack nods.
Troy runs his hand through the long black hair I love so much, hair with a scent so familiar I’ll never forget it no matter how long I live. “I’m going to stay in the guest room tonight. I need some time to think.”
We watch until he’s gone.
My gaze drifts to Jack, my Jack, the man I’ve known most of my life and have loved in ways that grew.
Fear is in my heart, and Troy put it there. I’m so angry at him for that.
“You can leave if you want to, Jack. I know you said you wouldn’t, but I also know you don’t want a baby.”
Quick strides bring him to me and he gently takes hold of my face forcing me to witness his sincerity. “I want you. I want this baby. I meant it when I said I would’ve raised it even if it was his.”
My lungs burn with hope. “Would you have really?”
“Yes!” He kisses me, and I can