Jin said doubtfully.
FOUR
A DEEP SILENCE fell over the ship as one by one its occupants sought the release of dreamland, leaving only Kira awake.
Slouched in the pilot's seat, she held a cup of chai. It'd been a long time since she'd sat like this, watching the stars go by, the ship as silent as a tomb around her.
To think, she thought she'd missed this.
It was a long time later when Kira finally stirred, setting aside her mug and reaching over to press the record button.
"Raider, you're furious with me; I don't blame you."
A fleeting smile, lacking any semblance of warmth or happiness, chased across her face, there and gone as if it'd never been.
"To tell you the truth, I never really thought you were the mole. There are a lot of excuses I could give you for the decisions we made, but that's all they'd be—excuses. I won't insult you by listing them here. At the time they seemed relevant, but looking back, I have to wonder."
Kira's gaze turned distant. "I should have told you about Elena the moment I knew about her. I'm not even sure why I didn't."
Kira rubbed her forehead. "Honestly, I don't even know why I'm bothering to record this. You'll never see it. I’ve never sent any of the messages I’ve recorded to you."
Exhaustion pulled at Kira. The type that made her wonder if it was all worth it.
At this point, she didn't even know anymore.
In the moment, she could ignore the look of betrayal. Pretend not to feel the hot splash of pain that came with knowing she caused that grief.
Until Raider and the rest came back into her life, she’d never really questioned whether she was doing the right thing.
Now, she was left wondering if there had been a better way of doing things and she simply hadn't taken the time to find it.
"I'm tired, Raider. So bloody tired." Kira felt the truth of that statement all the way to her bones. "The worst part is I don't even know if I'd do it differently if given the chance. Elena is alive. Safe. A know-it-all pain in the ass in the way only someone that age can be, but she's happy.”
Kira shoved aside her feelings of regret and sorrow. "By now, you know or have at least guessed that Elise is alive. It's not the rosy scenario you think. I promised Elena I'd bring her mother home, and I intend to do that. There are some things you need to know that I couldn't have revealed in front of the rest. Next time I see you, I promise I'll tell you everything I can. It's not much in the way of recompense, but it'll have to do."
Kira reached out and stopped the recording.
On the screen, a message popped up.
[Do you wish to send?]
Her finger hovered over the Yes button, knowing it'd be days before the Wanderer got close to a station where all the messages in the queue could be uploaded and sent.
In the end, she pressed the save for later button.
Finished, she leaned back in her chair, content to watch the stars for a while longer.
*
"Have you ever seen anything like this?" Elena asked as the Wanderer approached Almaluk, the station currently floating over Jettie like a second, much smaller, oblong moon.
Hundreds, possibly thousands, of ships dotted the expanse of space around the planet—the bulky shapes of human ships intermingling with the more svelte and streamlined Tuann vessels. Kira even caught a few designs she wasn't familiar with—possibly of alien origin.
Kira shook her head.
At least not in peacetime. During the war, seeing a gathering of ships this large was rare but not unheard of. Of course, back then, most of these ships would have ended up as silent graveyards if they'd actually seen battle.
Kira had known the quorum was important, but until right this moment she couldn't have guessed the sheer magnitude of the event.
Even Kira had heard of Almaluk, the floating palace of the Haldeel, crowning gem of their empire. Unlike most stations that tended to be stationary, or at least fixed to a certain quadrant, Almaluk wandered the void. To find it, you either had to have the key to its ever-changing frequency or happen upon it by chance.
The station was a relatively recent addition to Jettie's skies. The last time she'd visited, it hadn't been a consideration. Guess Kira knew how the Haldeel intended to enforce their restrictions.
"That is a lot of ships," Jin said.
"Any idea the exact numbers?"