Third Life - Noelle Adams Page 0,63
beside him, and he pulls the covers up over both of us.
“I can’t believe I have to fly back tomorrow,” I say after a few minutes of sated silence, feeling suddenly glum at the thought.
“I know.” He brushes a kiss into my hair. “The weekends aren’t nearly long enough.”
“They’re definitely not. Being in a long-distance relationship is hard.”
“Yeah.” He sounds as unhappy about my leaving as I feel.
“I wouldn’t have thought it would be this hard for me. I mean, I’ve been alone most of my life. It’s not like it’s new to me to spend my evenings alone. But every night I lie there and count the hours until I see you again.”
He chuckles. “Same here.”
I hesitate before I add, “The truth is, although I’m doing fine financially, I don’t really want to spend all the extra I have on weekend trips all over the world.”
“I know you don’t. We can’t go on like this indefinitely.”
There’s a new note in his tone, and it makes my breath hitch. I pull away and turn on my side so I’m facing him. “What do you mean?”
He meets my eyes. “I mean exactly what I said. This arrangement can’t go on forever.”
“But... But what else...?” I’m not sure whether I’m excited or terrified by what’s about to happen. “What else can we do?”
“We can make a new arrangement.”
“How? We live in different cities, and both of us travel all the time.”
“But that doesn’t have to continue indefinitely.”
My lips part. I have no idea what’s happening here.
Richard glances away. Clears his throat. “I don’t want to push things. Move too fast. I know there’s a natural progression to these things. And I don’t want to jump the gun just because I’ve never... never felt like...” He trails off.
I’ve never once seen Richard at such a loss for words. My confused anxiety suddenly transforms to pure excitement. “Richard, you know perfectly well I’ve never felt like this before either. You’re not moving too fast. At least I don’t think you are. So say what you want to say.”
His features relax slightly. He gives me a little smile. “How would you feel if I were to... think about relocating?”
“Relocating? You mean you’d... you’d move?” My eyes get very wide.
“Of course I would. I don’t have anything in New York worth staying for. At least nothing that compares to what’s in Boston.”
“But what about your business? Could you just move like that?” My voice squeaks a little. I really can’t believe what I’m hearing. When I thought about the future with Richard, I always assumed it would be easier for me to move since my work isn’t geographically bound.
“Yes. Probably. But the truth is I’m thinking...” He clears his throat again and stares up at the ceiling. “The truth is I’m thinking about making a change there too.”
“What? Are you serious? Richard, what are you talking about? You’re thinking about doing something else? Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
His face twists slightly. He’s still not looking at me. “It’s only recently that the thought has coalesced in my mind like this. Before then, it was just this general churning dissatisfaction. I didn’t like what I was doing. I wanted to make a change. But the truth is it never occurred to me that a change was really possible. I’d always assumed I’d feel the same way, no matter what I was doing.” He finally turns his head and meets my eyes again. “But I feel different with you. I feel... better. And it makes me feel even worse about... about not being the man I think I want to be.”
“Is your...” I have to swallow hard and start again. “Is your job so bad? What do you...?”
He sighs. “I’m a fixer, Gillian. That’s what they call me. I fix problems.” When he sees my face, he hurries on. “It’s not like what you’ve seen in movies. I don’t go around having people killed or kidnapped or... I don’t do anything like that. I never have. I don’t even break the law. In fact, the reason I get a lot of business is because I can get things done without ever breaking the law, so my clients are legally protected. It’s why I’m in such high demand. But there are ways to... to not really be right—do right—even if you’re in the bounds of the law. And I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“Richard.”
“I’ve done things I’m not proud of, Gillian. I still do sometimes.