Third Chances (Men Of Manhattan #2) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,99
want to be. I'm alone. I'm so sick of being alone. I used to see Daphne studying on the green at the University of New Castle. She was so beautiful and peaceful and I couldn't talk to her because I knew all I'd do was fuck up her life. Just like I fucked up yours."
"You didn't fuck up my life. I made my own choices."
"To protect me! Do you have any idea how guilty I feel? It's my fault that you're an addict."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You did everything Mom and Dad wanted so that I wouldn't have to take their shit. They thought you were weak for never standing up to them, so they were even harder on you. But I knew the truth. That you didn't do it for them, you did it for me. You were depressed because of me."
"I was depressed because of my own choices! And don't make me out to be a saint, Rob. I was so jealous of you growing up."
"Jealous of me?" I laughed. "Yeah, right."
"There were times where I would have done anything to switch places with you. You got to be a kid. You got to play sports. You got to stay out late. You got to date whoever you wanted."
"Because of you."
"Fine. But I resented you."
I didn't know that. "I resented you too. Because you were the favorite. Nothing I did was ever good enough."
"Seriously? I never thought you cared about that, I thought..."
"Exactly, James. You didn't ask me what I thought. You just did whatever you thought was best for me. You weren't supposed to my father, you were supposed to be my friend."
"You still resent me." He didn't ask it like a question, he said it as a statement.
I didn't know what to say. I did resent him. I was so mad at him for making me feel second best my whole life, but for also making me feel like I ruined his life. It was bullshit.
He stood up. "Why the fuck would you resent me now? Mom and Dad don't even speak to me. I'm an addict."
"I'm just sick of owing you."
"You don't owe me anything. You know that. We're family. We take care of each other, that's what we do. That's what we've always done. You don't owe me anything, so why don't you tell me what's really bothering you and stop complaining about the past. You said we aren't kids anymore, so stop acting like one. Grow up."
Fuck you. "I'm jealous of you, okay?! I'm jealous of what you have!" I really am jealous of him.
"What, my job? If you applied yourself..."
"No. I don't give a shit about status. I don't care about that."
He sighed. "This is about Penny, isn't it?"
"No. I'm not in love with your fianc茅e. I love her. She's wonderful. For you. I'm jealous of what you two have."
"So why are you talking to me instead of Daphne?"
"Because she doesn't want my help. She doesn't need me."
"Penny and I have had our ups and downs. But I kept fighting for her. I'll never stop fighting for her."
"Well, I can't fight for Daphne if she doesn't want me fighting for her."
"Did she tell you that?"
"She said she needed to figure out what she wants on her own."
"I found myself in Penny. She saved me."
"I know that."
"Yeah, but what you didn't know was that Penny didn't need saving. She didn't need me to come into her life and screw everything up. I did it anyway because I needed her. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish. Sometimes you have to take that risk. I like to believe that I make her happy."
"You do. But I don't see how this has anything to do with me and Daphne."
"You're Penny in this situation. Daphne is me." James laughed. "You're basically dating me."
"Ew. Daphne is nothing like you."
"Isn't she though? She needs your help."
"She doesn't need my help. She needs time to get over what happened with her brother. And I don't know if something like that goes away. I don't know what I'd do in her situation."
"I'm not going anywhere."
I hadn't realized it before, but James was right. Part of the reason I was so upset was because the situation made me think about him. It made me think of losing him and I couldn't think about that. I didn't want to lose him.
"And in my experience, love is the only thing that will help mend a soul."