Third Chances (Men Of Manhattan #2) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,98
mud. But I couldn't stay here anymore. I needed to do this for myself. "I don't regret what happened between us."
"Okay," he said again.
But he didn't look okay. He looked upset. "I don't want you to be upset with me."
"I want to be with you and you don't want to be with me. I don't know what you want me to say."
I do want to be with you. I'm just not ready. "I'm sorry," I said instead.
He sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry too. And I hope that you find whatever you're looking for. You deserve to be happy."
"You too. Goodbye, Rob." I held out my hand for him.
He looked down at my hand like it was a foreign object and then back at me. He shook his head, took a step toward me, and grabbed the back of my head. I melted into his touch as his lips brushed softly against mine. That same spark I felt every time we touched went through me. I expected him to keep kissing me, persuading me in a different way. Instead, he immediately released me.
I swallowed hard. He shook his head again and walked away from me without another word. He didn't say goodbye. Derek hadn't said goodbye either. Except I had a chance to go after Rob, whereas Derek was gone forever. But I didn't go after Rob. I just walked toward the zip lining course. Rob needed someone who was full of life. I wasn't a good fit for him. Even if I wanted to be.
Chapter 34
Rob
I pushed through the underbrush, not caring about the twigs scratching my shins. Running always made me feel better. I picked up my pace until it felt like I was flying. This was the best feeling in the world.
I needed to stop lying to myself. Running wasn't the best feeling in the world, fucking was. Being inside Daphne was...stop. I needed to stop. If Daphne didn't want me, I didn't fucking want her either. I wasn't going to pine after some girl I had only known a few days.
The problem was, it didn't feel like I had known her only a few days. I could picture her laying on her blanket with a book in her hand. If I had known how much she was hurting, I would have talked to her. I could have helped her. Worrying about someone was one thing. Losing someone was an entirely different thing. No one should have to feel that alone. But I hadn't talked to her back then. Because I was a coward. And maybe I still was a coward, because I liked her and instead of fighting for her I was literally running in the opposite direction. I wanted to turn around and tell her that I was what she needed. How could she not see that?
I stopped and put my hands on my knees to catch my breath. She doesn't want you. I closed my eyes. Why did it feel like I couldn't get enough air? I stood up and kicked a branch that was laying on the path. "Fuck!" I yelled into the silent air. My curse echoed around me. I was alone. I was always alone.
***
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I moved my arm off my eyes and stared at my brother. "No. I don't." I felt the bottom of the bed sag, even though I had just dismissed him. Why did he always fucking do that? I didn't want to talk to him or anyone else. I rolled off the bed.
"She told me that she lost someone close to her because of an overdose," James said. "Maybe I could talk to her?"
"It was her brother."
James sighed. "I should go talk to her. I understand..."
"What do you understand? What it feels like to lose someone?"
"No, but I know what it feels like to go through.."
"You have no idea what it feels like to go through that! You were on the other side of it. I know what it's like. I was the one that was scared of losing someone. Not the other way around."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't fucking apologize to me."
"But I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
"Jesus Christ, James! You don't owe me an apology. I owe you everything. You gave up your whole life so that I could do whatever I wanted. And what have I made for myself?"
"You're happy. That's all that matters."
"I'm not happy."
He frowned. "Then find something that'll make you happy."