Third Chances (Men Of Manhattan #2) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,103

if he doesn't answer your call, I'll be by your side when we break down his door in Newark."

I laughed. "You just want to run into James."

"Maybe a little." She winked at me. "Okay, so let's start from the top. How big was his dick?"

I laughed and put my hands over my face.

Chapter 36

Daphne

"Hey," Alina whispered.

I looked up from my phone. "Hey."

She sat down on the couch next to me and put her head on my shoulder. "Still no response?"

I stared back down at the empty screen. "No, not yet." I said it like I was hopeful that Rob would respond. But why would he really? I told him I wasn't interested.

"He will." She yawned and kept her head on my shoulder.

The sun was starting to rise and streaks of light were coming through the blinds. We sat like that for several minutes in silence. I hadn't been able to fall asleep. I was used to staying up late waiting. Even though I hadn't had to do it in awhile. My eyelids were starting to droop.

"I miss him too," Alina whispered.

I silently nodded my head.

"I'm sorry that we never talk about what happened."

"There's nothing to talk about." I quickly wiped under my eyes before I had a real chance to start crying.

Alina lifted her head off my shoulder. "That's not true. Even if we just talked about him. There were so many good times too."

I nodded again.

"It wasn't your fault, Daphne."

"I know." And I did know. "I just wished there was something I could have done to save him." There was no hiding my tears now as they silently spilled down my cheeks.

"But that's the thing, you made every day that he did have wonderful."

I nodded again.

She put her head on my shoulder again and intertwined her arm in mine. "We shouldn't have come to Costa Rica. I'm really sorry."

I slowly inhaled and exhaled. "I don't think that's why I'm so upset. He would have wanted me to come."

"I know." She didn't say anything else.

I wanted to fill the silence. It always felt like I didn't have anyone I could talk about Derek to. If I tried talking to my mom, she would burst into tears. Seeing her fall apart just made everything worse. And no one liked talking about death. Kristen and Alina always looked so sad. So I kept it all in. But it seemed like Alina wanted me to talk. I certainly needed to get it off my chest.

"Everything has just felt so...dark since he died, you know? Sometimes it still feels like I can just pick up the phone and call him. And every time that happens, it feels like he just died again. I work all the time. I close myself off. I don't do anything, yet I'm always busy. I feel like I'm just going through the motions." I sighed.

Alina stayed quiet.

"It just always felt like he left me. And I don't want to feel that way again. I live my life so that I won't feel that way. So why do I feel that way right now?"

Alina squeezed my arm. "Rob reminds me of him. A little. Not like in a creepy you're dating your brother kind of way, though. Just in...I don't know...his attitude."

"I think that was part of the problem. And his brother."

"Don't tell me you're in love with James too? I don't need two of you running around being inappropriate."

I laughed. "No. I'm not in love with James." I shifted on the couch and lay down so that my head was on Alina's lap. Am I in love with Rob, though? It was too soon to know that, right? I barely knew him. I did love the way he made me feel though. That much was definitely true.

"So, what does this have to do with James?" Alina asked.

"He's an addict."

Alina laughed. "His friend drugged him. He's not an addict. That's quite a leap."

"No. He told me. And I freaked out. I just thought that if I let myself get close to Rob, that would mean I'd be close to James and I can't go through that again. I can't do that."

"But, Daphne, you don't know his situation."

"I know that. And I told myself that I wouldn't let it bother me. I was just projecting all my problems onto them. But it's not just that. Rob is so different from me. I just got so overwhelmed with everything. I told Rob that I didn't need him. I told him I needed