new understanding of him flowered in Lia’s mind and heart.
Alex was always with her. Yes, it was his job. Yes, he was her father’s man, but he knew her. Like no one else in her life did or ever had. It was more than his presence—the way he talked to her, the way he looked at her, the things he asked, the things he knew—he knew her.
Maybe for him it was only his job, but for her—he was the only person who really knew her. She’d told herself that his constant presence in her shadows was a reason never to want him, but she’d been wrong.
The way he held her now, the way he kissed her, maybe it was more than his job. But even if it wasn’t, even if all he felt was lust, Lia felt connected.
She desired him. Wanted him. All of him.
Right now—one last chance to be herself, one burst of freedom before her father locked her away in the tower and threw away the key.
Lia broke away from that wonderful kiss and slipped out of his hold, gratified at his reluctance to let her go.
He was breathless and dazed, but she saw sense dawning and knew it was a matter of scant moments before he’d remember who he served and try to make distance between them again.
Before that could happen, standing free before him, Lia gathered up the hem of her sweater and pulled it off. She felt shy and awkward and sucked her belly in as tightly as she could, wishing it were darker in the room. But it was early afternoon, and the sun slanted enthusiastically through her windows, which were covered only with sheer white panels. She’d pulled the heavier drapes back that morning, in a halfhearted attempt to brighten her mood.
Her bra wasn’t sexy. Just a basic white underwire, not even a bow or a rose at the front. And her panties were cotton cheekies—a blue floral print. She hadn’t expected anyone to see her underwear today but her.
Not that many guys had ever seen beneath her clothes before, and no one had ever seen her panties. She’d been stuck on second base since sixteen, when she’d let Murphy Gunter get that far at the wrap party for Pippin. College was supposed to have fixed that, but no luck yet.
She wasn’t in college anymore, but she was still at Brown, sort of. Brown-adjacent. One last chance.
Alex’s expression seemed stunned as he regarded her, his eyes wide and a deep crease between them. She tried to read the flashes in his dark eyes, but her insecurities made everything else inscrutable. And she was exhausted. She wanted to be in bed with him so she simply could lie down almost as much as she wanted him so he’d take her stupid virginity away.
His eyes settled on hers, and he blinked and took a breath—that was reason returning to the controls, and she hated it.
“Lia … we can’t …”
“Please. If you like me at all, if you want me at all, please.” She hated herself for begging, but she needed something good to happen today. She needed to feel known.
He didn’t move. He didn’t speak. He only stared, and the moment stretched on and on until time thinned and frayed. Until Lia’s insecurities shrieked.
Obviously, it wasn’t desire he felt. Only lust, and easily managed. He didn’t want her.
He was a Pagano man. Nothing more than a bodyguard. Any concern for her he’d ever shown was just part of his job.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said, once she swallowed down the planet-size dose of shame and disappointment blocking her vocal chords. “I’m stupid. Ignore me.”
She lifted her sweater up to shield her bra and tried to find the right hole to get it back on.
He took hold of the sweater and pulled it away.
“You’re not stupid, Lia.”
He dropped her sweater and cupped her face in both his hands. His mouth covered hers again, and he turned them together and walked her backward toward her bed.
~ 8 ~
Lia wasn’t stupid, but Alex sure as fuck was.
That tattered red flag fluttered at the back of his mind, warning him that he was making an absolutely colossal mistake. Kissing her in a college building was one thing, but this? Here? With guards outside—not to mention cameras—that would track exactly when he’d entered and when he left, how long he’d been alone with the don’s daughter? Her father would kill him, and that wasn’t an exaggeration.