time in a while, by how much his son looked like him. Still dressing in all black, still shaggy and pale, he’d stopped wearing the eyeliner and metric ton of leather and silver jewelry after Elisa’s death, and he hadn’t picked it up again in these weeks since. Beverly insisted that they were raising their children right and giving them good guidance, but they needed to let their children be who they were, and try out ‘identities’ until they figured that out.
With the girls, that had been easier. Even as Elisa struggled and Carina battled, he’d been able to let them be themselves and offer help or limits where such was needed. But with Ren, Nick was at a loss. He was not a son like any son Nick’s father would have allowed. He wasn’t a son like Nick himself had expected, or, frankly, imagined.
He’d been a sweet, malleable little boy, with a bit of an impish streak, following after Carina like her tiny henchman, doing her bidding in mischief. Nick had to admit he enjoyed their troublemaking, and he’d felt a little more in sync with his two youngest, who took more after him in personality. Elisa and Lia were both more like their mother, and he loved them deeply for that. But it had been nice, too, to see more of himself in his children.
Then adolescence had happened. Carina was still Carina, charging headlong into the world with her fists raised, but Ren had been replaced by a vampire.
He was silent and sullen. He was thin and seeming frail—and hated any kind of physical activity or being outdoors, as if he might burst into flames at the touch of the sun. He wore bizarre black clothes—he wore makeup—and hunched through the house like a phantom.
He got decent grades and had friends of a sort, who all seemed to live in his gaming headset, even those who went to the same school. Nick heard him in his room emoting and laughing and giving those friends good-hearted shit, but outside the walls of his room, he was hardly more than a shadow. He was an absolute mystery to Nick.
Or he had been, at least.
Since Christmas, Ren had been more present in the house—exhibit A, he was doing his homework in the kitchen, despite the likelihood of having to interact with his family. He dressed a bit more normally, or at least without the Prince of Darkness accessories. He played video games a bit less. Last weekend, he’d sat in the media room with Nick, Bev, and Carina and watched Bringing Up Baby—the whole movie—and even talked a little about it after. And once again, Nick saw the similarities between them.
Nick hated to think of anything good coming from the horror of Christmas, but if this grief brought Ren back into the family fold, there was at least that.
He’d had all those thoughts in a blink, but they were powerful enough to distract him so that when Ren answered his question, Nick needed a beat to remember what it was.
“Lia’s with Alex. Carrie needed something for school, so Mamma took her out.”
“Your mother went out?”
Ren nodded. “Yeah. With Carrie. To get some kind of art stuff, I think.”
If Beverly had left the house with Carina, not alone but in charge, to run an errand, that was good. That was excellent. Something simple and maternal like that was the best sign yet that she’d push away this darkness and find her light again.
Every fucking hopeful thought like that came with a kick of guilt. This darkness was Elisa’s death. To think they had to set her death aside, push that away, to go on? It was infuriating and agonizing, and Nick meant to wring every moment of his family’s pain out of Cuccia’s body and soul.
Yet again, Nick shouldered dark thoughts aside. He nodded at Ren’s sandwich. “That looks good. You mind if I make myself one like it and sit with you for a while?”
Ren looked down at his sandwich like he was surprised it was there. “No, that’d be okay.”
Nick gathered the makings of a peanut butter sandwich. Ren sat quietly while he made it. As Nick added honey to his, Ren said, in a soft, reluctant voice, “Can I tell you something, Pop?”
Carefully, in case the wrong response or tone might spook his son to run off into the night, Nick said, “You can tell me anything, figlio. Absolutely anything. My love for you is unconditional.”