by the Cove police, Mel did a quick perimeter scan before he came around and opened Nick’s door.
Long years ago, when he’d become underboss and Uncle Ben had insisted he take full-time coverage, Nick had resented the fuck out of it. He’d come up as an enforcer, and had insisted he could be his own coverage. His uncle had said there was more at stake now than merely his own safety.
In the decades since, the constant presence of a guard had been a simple feature of his life, and his family had always lived under that shield. Though Beverly and the children did not always have direct coverage themselves, it happened often enough to be close to normal—and he’d always kept some kind of surveillance on them, even if they hadn’t been aware of it. Keeping his family safe was paramount.
And yet, he’d failed and failed and failed.
Nick pushed that dark thought back and stepped into his home.
Snuggles lumbered up to welcome him, as usual. Nick bent to give the dog an ear scratch in greeting, and noticed that the house was strangely dark and quiet. It was Friday, and Emilia got off early on Fridays, but Carina and Ren should have been home from school hours earlier. Lia had been a homebody since Christmas, unless Alex had come to take her away for a few hours. Beverly almost never left the house now. Her grief held her in place.
He was worried about his love. She had good reason to be so fragile, and he knew not to push her to be more well than she could be. He’d learned years ago that his wife was strong because she fought so hard to overcome her vulnerabilities, but really, underneath her sweet, sunny, gentle personality was a lot of damage.
He was responsible for some of the worst damage. Most of it, in fact.
Like Elisa had, Beverly suffered from anxiety and depression. She’d tried to kill herself as a teen, and Nick thought she’d come close to that same low a few times while they’d been together. She’d almost broken entirely after she’d been attacked before they were married. She’d also had trouble after the births, especially after Carina and Ren.
It had taken Elisa’s troubles for Nick to finally really see Beverly’s for what they were and admit she needed help the same way their daughter did. He’d let his contempt for weakness, and his refusal to believe he could love someone who might be weak, get in his way of seeing that there was strength in overcoming weakness as much as, if not more than, in not feeling weakness at all. He’d pressured her, without even understanding he was doing it, not to admit her need and seek help for it. He’d let her struggle unnecessarily for years.
Once, he’d prided himself on living with no regrets, and still he strove to do so. But since he’d found love and made a family, he’d also discovered regret. It was easy to live for oneself without regret; all one had to do was accept the consequences of one’s actions. It was impossible to live for others in the same way, when they felt those consequences too.
With all Beverly had suffered, all she’d overcome, nothing had hit her like this. Of course not—what could be worse for a mother, or a father, than losing one’s own child?
Again, he pushed dark thoughts to the side. With his senses alert—the house was well guarded, but he’d learned a harsh lesson that nothing could ever be guarded enough—Nick walked slowly, quietly toward the kitchen, the source of most of the light visible in his too-dim house.
Ren sat alone at the island, a schoolbook and spiral notebook open before him, a glass of milk and a peanut butter sandwich at his side. Only the pendant lights over the island were on. Nick felt a tension as strong as fear melt from his muscles.
“Hi, figlio,” he said, keeping his voice light and warm.
“Hey, Pop.” His son didn’t look up from his homework.
Ren had stopped calling him Papa a few years earlier, in middle school. The change had carried with it a sense that his son was growing up, and a hope they’d grow closer, but that hadn’t happened yet. In fact, it had been middle school when Ren began to really shift away from Nick.
He didn’t understand it, or how to fix it.
“Where is everybody?”
Ren looked up then and met Nick’s eyes, and Nick was struck, for the first