of packets. Satisfied, she walks back over to me. Back in front of me, she places the packets in my hands that are just lying in my lap, and makes me squeeze them.
“Take a packet of these pills, every six hours if you can, and go get some rest alright? And try not to get hit in the head again, it won’t end well.”
I nod again.
As I watch her go, I wonder if I’ll ever be alright.
This pain inside goes deeper than my temple, and it’s got claws that are wrapped around my very being.
Chapter Forty Eight
Once back out in the hallway, I clutch the pill packets in one hand and the flashlight in the other. Not really paying attention to the people around me, I quickly walk towards the stares and to my escape. Almost to the door, I bump into a guy I think and only mumble an apology as I stumble past. There is light coming in through the window’s at the end of the hallway now, and I probably don’t need the flashlight on. But when I finally pull open the stairwell door, it’s still pitch black inside and I know I’ll need it hear.
Taking a deep breath from the stale air, I blindly step inside.
Once inside I stumble forward to go down the steps, and everything comes crashing into me so suddenly, that I fall back and sit down. Shaking I take in great hiccups of air as my head begins to pound more violently. Dropping both the packets and the flashlight, I lift my hands to cradle my head in them. Rocking back and forth, I try to think if I can really handle all of this and I don’t just mean the chance of never fully healing.
What if I can’t even make it to the Bates College?
What if my parents are actually there and I die before I get to them?
And what if they never even know that I tried to get to them?
I can’t help feeling so useless and so totally alone, that I can’t even catch my breath. It doesn’t help my headache, and that just makes me so angry all of a sudden. What have I done to deserve all of this? The world is going to crap, and everyone in this building is struggling to survive. And for what are we fighting for? The chance to just getting killed or losing more people we care about?
Dropping my hands with a small cry, I sit up and try to force my shaking to stop.
It doesn’t work though, and it kills me that I can’t even control my own body to do what I want it to. I know I’m probably being overly dramatic, but I’ve already been through so much and it scares me to think that there is only more to come. I think back to saying goodbye to my brother Dan, and how lost he looked having to watch me leave. I know he wanted to come with me, but he didn’t want to leave Maria and I can almost understand that frustration now. I want to go and look for our parents so bad it hurts, but what if I lose the chance of truly living? They might forgive me for trying to live, but I would never forgive myself.
Even if it costs me my life, I know I have to find them one way or another.
I reach to the step below me and grab for the flashlight, and with it I pick up the tiny pill packets. After stuffing them in the pockets of my hoody, I slowly get to my feet and try to push all the weighing thoughts out of my head. Feeling like a whinny girl, I march down the rest of the stares and make my way to the door. I quickly pull it open and rush out into the bright light of the first floor lobby. I’m just closing the door behind me, and when I turn around I slam into the chest of someone. I bounce back in alarm, but strong hands grab my arms and stop me before I hit the door at my back.
Glancing up, I find myself in the arms of Hunter.
“Easy there little lady, are you all right?” He asks as he takes his hands back, too slowly for my liking.
Gazing around the small lobby and down the hall, I notice we are somewhat alone and for some reason that doesn’t sit well with me.
“I’m so