a cup of tea, that’s all. We got talking. You know how lonely she’s been since losing Dad.’ It had been four years now and her mother had a better social life than she did.
‘I get that. You could have called or even answered your phone. The kids are just getting ready for bed and I thought you’d have at least wanted to be here to say goodnight. I kept them down for as long as possible but it’s late now.’ He checked his watch. ‘I mean, look. You’ve missed the whole evening. We thought you’d only be about half an hour when you went shopping at six. It’s now gone nine.’ He paused and scrunched his eyes.
She wanted him to give her a break, leave her alone. This time of year wasn’t her favourite and he knew that.
‘What’s that on your leggings?’
She glanced down and spotted the mud splats up her clothes. She knew it had been wet but she hadn’t realised she’d got that dirty. ‘I slipped on the path, on the way to Mum’s. You know how slimy it is. It really needs a clean. Maybe we can head over at the weekend, take the jet washer.’
He shrugged his shoulders and began stroking his bristly stubble. ‘Sometimes I wonder if you still love me.’ He looked down and shook his head.
Not now. Why couldn’t he see that she needed to unpack the shopping and check on their children? She didn’t have time to go through all this again.
‘Are you seeing someone?’
She shook her head. ‘Not this again.’
‘What am I meant to think? You tell me.’
‘You really think I’m having an affair? I work all the hours I can. Mum needs me and I keep this house together. I don’t have time to have an affair. Look at me; I’m wearing leggings and an old jumper. Don’t you think if I was having an affair, I’d have come home for a shower, maybe done something with my hair or even put some make-up on?’
She could almost see the thoughts whirring around his head. He turned to the kitchen sink and looked out onto their drive. ‘Sometimes, just sometimes, I don’t bloody well know what to think. I called your mum.’
She swallowed and felt a tremble at her knees. She should have answered his calls. Now he knew she wasn’t where she said she’d been. ‘I was in the car. I needed time to think, time to myself. Sometimes everything is so… so loud and I can’t hear myself think.’
‘Why didn’t you say that? You lied to me and, what’s worse is, you found it easy to do. Can you see how it all looks to me?’ He ran his fingers through his thick black hair, the hair she’d once enjoyed stroking as they lay in bed.
She placed a hand on his back and he flinched, shaking her off. ‘I’m not feeling too good and I’m sorry.’ She reached into her bag, pulled out her tablets and threw the blister pack on the draining board.
‘What’s this?’ He picked it up and began scrutinising the packet.
‘That’s why I was on my own. I didn’t want to tell you.’ She paused and began biting her bottom lip.
He turned around and placed his firm hands on her shoulders. ‘What’s going on, Cherie? You can talk to me.’
A thud came from above and Cherie wiped the tears that had spilled from her eye. She hadn’t told anyone about the tablets, and she hadn’t wanted to. ‘I just keep getting these moments where I can’t breathe, like when I’m in the shops or sometimes when I’m working. I need to get out or I feel as though I might die.’ He dropped one of his hands and squeezed her shoulder a little. ‘Tonight, I sat in the car staring at the fields from a layby. I needed to think.’ Some of that was true. She gazed up into his eyes.
‘You should have said something. I can do more. I could have gone shopping or if you need time alone, you can always go up to bed or take a walk while I occupy the kids. You love lying in the bath, maybe you could try that. You love reading, maybe you should do that more. But don’t shut me out.’
She gripped him in a tight embrace until the ceiling lampshade began to shake.
‘Come on.’ He kissed her on the nose and stroked her damp brown hair. ‘The kids are coming down and you need