years. The past five have been hard enough.
It’s been playing like a broken loop in my mind to talk to Dash about us. She hasn’t given me any indication that she’s interested in more, though, and it’s the only thing holding me back.
Carla, my cousin and Dash’s sister-in-law, comes into the room, and then she gives Dash a thankful smile. “Thank you so much. We’re heading home so she can get to bed.”
“You know I love spending time with her,” Dash says. She presses a soft kiss to Hayley’s cheek before getting up.
I wait for the women to hug each other goodbye, then I give Carla a sideways hug.
It takes another fifteen minutes for us to say bye to our family and friends before we get to leave.
Once we’re in the car, and I’m driving us home, Dash stares out of the window. When she lets out a sigh, I ask, “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head. “Every time I see Hayley, it makes me want a child of my own.”
Dash hasn’t been in a relationship since the fuck up with Josh, for which I’m thankful. I think I’d lose my mind if she meets someone now.
The thought causes the familiar panic to rear in my chest, which only makes me more determined to talk to her about us.
I don’t want to do it while driving, so I murmur, “One day.”
She shakes her head again. “I’m tired of hoping I’ll meet Mr. Right. I’m thinking of doing it by myself.”
My gaze snaps to her. “What?”
“Contrary to popular belief, women don’t need men anymore. I’m going to visit a sperm bank to see what my options are.”
What. The. Fuck?
My eyebrows pop up, and for a moment, I’m too stunned to say anything. When I finally process what she just said, I ask, “Are you serious?”
Dash nods as I bring the car to a stop in the basement. I wait until we’re out of the vehicle and heading to the elevator before I say, “You have no idea where the fucking sperm comes from. There’s no way I’m letting you put that shit in your body.”
“The donors have profiles, and they’re all vetted thoroughly. At least I won’t be settling for some narcissistic bastard.”
When the elevator doors open to her apartment, I walk inside with her, saying, “A baby… that’s for life.”
Dash lets out a burst of laughter. “I know. I’ve been thinking about it since I heard Carla’s expecting. This isn’t something I decided overnight.”
“Why haven’t you told me before?” I ask as I take a seat on the couch.
“Because I knew you’d react this way.”
Of course. I mean… fuck.
Dash sits down next to me, and for a moment, we stare at each other. I can see she’s made up her mind, which only increases the panic I’m already feeling. “A fucking sperm bank, Dash?” I shake my head. “Fuck, this is the last thing I expected from you.”
“You know I’ve always wanted children,” she justifies her actions.
Christ, not like this.
“Yeah, but from a damn sperm bank?” I repeat. “It’s…” I struggle to find the words, “It’s so cold… clinical.”
“I don’t care about the process, Christopher. I just want a baby.”
“You’re only twenty-five,” I try to talk some sense into her. “Wait a couple of years.”
“Why are you fighting this?” she asks.
Because it’s a baby. With some stranger.
And what the fuck about me?
First, our studies kept us busy, then work.
Fuck, I thought I had more time.
Shaking my head, I take a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts. “I just don’t want you doing something you’ll regret. What if you have a baby, and then Mr. Right comes along?” I try to play for time, so I can figure out the best way to address the possibility of a relationship between us.
Dash just shrugs. “If that happens, he’ll be fine with it, seeing as he’ll be Mr. Right. Not that he exists.” She leans back and lets out a deep breath. “Besides, I can live without getting married. I have you and my family. The only thing missing from my life is a child. I really want to be a mom.”
I turn my head to look at her. “You really want this?”
Dash nods as she reaches for my hand. Linking our fingers, she says, “It will mean the world to me to have your support.”
I pull her closer so I can put my arm around her shoulders. Pressing a kiss to her hair, I murmur, “If it’s so important to you, then