past him and settle in the car, letting the bag fall to my lap.
Adrian joins me soon after, and the sound of his door closing causes a brick to settle at the bottom of my stomach.
“That’s one, Lia,” he murmurs.
My heart thumps, no matter how much I don’t want it to or how much I fight it. My body is attuned to him in ways even I can’t understand. I’m addicted to his rough touch and merciless punishments.
I come undone in no time, and that sense of levitating has never changed. If anything, it’s been heightening over the weeks.
But it’s just a physical connection. A meaningless one.
I’ll get over it someday. I have to.
Scoffing, I focus ahead as Yan kills his cigarette and slides into the passenger seat. Kolya kicks the car into gear and pulls out into the busy street.
“Two.” Adrian takes my hand in his and nibbles down on my pinkie before sucking it into his mouth.
A whole body shiver overtakes me and I try to free myself, but he bites down harder, then speaks against my skin, “I told you not to pull away from me again. Three.”
Giving up the futile fight, I stare out the window at the buzzing city. My appointments with the doctors are the only time I get to leave the cage Adrian has built for me, and it’s my only chance to see people and the life that’s going on around me.
It’s odd how I never focused on it when I used to drive to and from rehearsal, but humans don’t realize what they’re missing until it’s snatched away from them.
If I’d known, I would’ve paid better attention.
Luca hasn’t gotten in touch since that time at the lingerie store. I can’t call him either, because Adrian not only got me a new phone number, but I’m sure he’s also having it tracked.
And since I don’t go out alone, I assume it’s hard for Luca to find an opening to get in touch.
That’s why I need to provide him with that opening, because if there’s anyone who can help get me out from under Adrian’s steel-like hold, it’s Luca.
I spot a tent under which people are serving hot soup to the homeless. The image of the man in front of the hospital comes to mind and an idea strikes me.
It takes me a few minutes to organize my thoughts in a way that won’t send Adrian’s red flags up. If he gets a whiff of what I’m doing, he’ll lock me in a cell until I give birth.
Facing him, I try to ignore that he’s still licking and nibbling on my finger, and how his touch is sending tiny bursts of pleasure down my spine and to my belly. “I was talking to the OB-GYN when you went to get the prescription.”
“You were?”
“Yes. She said I could be developing depression.”
“Is she an OB-GYN or a psychotherapist?”
I lift a shoulder. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”
“You’ve always had depression, Lia. You’re not developing it.”
My eyes widen. “How did you know that?”
“The pills in your apartment.”
Right. I guess it doesn’t matter that I’ve hid them from him. Adrian watches my every move and notices everything, which is one more reason to be careful around him.
“Why have you never asked me about them?” I ask in a quiet tone.
“Would you rather I have?”
“No, but that’s what most people do whenever they learn I have mental health issues.”
“I’m not most people.”
“You…you don’t think I’m broken?”
“So what if you are. It’s what makes you who you are.”
My lips part. It’s like he’s saying he likes me just as I am. Broken and all.
“You don’t have to hide your pills from me, Lia.”
“I’m do…not hide them.”
“Yes, you do. But you’ve not been using them since the pregnancy. Not the insomnia pills or the antidepressants. Your nightmares have noticeably toned down, too. You didn’t have one during the past week and your pills remain untouched. So how is it noticeable to the OB-GYN that you’re developing depression?”
Damn it.
I knew he observed everything, but I didn’t realize he was that attuned to me, even to my nightmares.
“I told her I’m feeling confined,” I blurt.
He pauses, seeming to be genuinely concerned as he lets my hand fall on his lap but doesn’t release it. “You are?”
I scoff. “I’m trapped inside four walls twenty-four-seven with nothing to do. What do you think?”
“You take walks in the garden.”
“You make me do it.”
“To help your circulation.”
“Whatever. It still doesn’t count as entertainment.”
“You