own private rooms, and are not bothered that their membership is three times that of everyone else. But with the hefty fees come perks, like having lunch with me and pretty much the run of the club.
I search through the open memberships Anton has ready for my approval, but as much as I try to throw myself into my job—and I try like hell—my mind wanders to my loss. I will forever miss Jo. She had pretty much been the only person who showered me with affection and loved me for the messed-up man I am. But it’s Eve. The loss of Eve hurts more than I have the understanding to express.
The door to my office opens, and I smile at one of my boys. Out of all of them, I’m probably the least close to Anton, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t donate a lung to the man. We are just enough alike and then enough different that we haven’t bonded like I have with the others.
“Hey, wanted to drop by and…” He doesn’t know what to say. No one does.
“I’m okay. I really am.” I pause because I just lied. I’m not okay, not in the least, and it has everything to do with the curvy vixen who has somehow stolen my heart.
“Cut the bullshit, Chad. I know we aren’t as close as we could be. But at the end of the day, you’re still my brother and one of the few I’d kill for, so you might as well admit what we all know.”
Anton has never been one to sling the f-word around like the rest of us. He never swears. I remember one time, Jo caught us up in the hay loft, the one area we’d always find trouble, and we were throwing the f-word around like it was a or the, and we’d all stopped, embarrassed by our actions. Jo didn’t miss a beat and started off from the last person’s comments about the fucking math class we hated.
She had emerged into the loft in her heels, pearls, and makeup perfect. We all gasped when the first thing out of her mouth was, “Well, that fucking sucks.” We all laughed but not Anton. He’d never said the f-word or a bad word in general since that day, so I know how much he cares if he says bullshit.
“Okay, what do you want to know?” I take a pull of my bourbon on my desk.
“Lindsay is here tonight. You should have seen the pearly whites she sported and the grin that could light a small country. Heck, she was so excited. She loves to play with you, as you know.” I used to love playing with Lindsay. One of the reasons in the past I’d cross the pond.
“But I knew you wouldn’t. When you never called for her, she is as sour as a kitten drinking piss.” I’ve never heard that saying before, but he makes his point. “According to Jared, Eve’s been trying to get ahold of you.”
Again, he speaks truth, but I don’t know what to say. “I don’t want to be a pity fuck, Anton. I want her to find me because she wants me, not because she’s sad Jo died.”
“But maybe it’s more than pity. You never know. It could be more.” He turns around, and I stop him because I’m not the only one going through some shit. For all the shit both Maddox and he are going through, I have to pull my head out of my ass and concentrate on their own hell.
“Anton, what’s going on with you, brother?” I ask.
He places his hands in his pants pockets. “Um, another day. I’ll save it for another day.” I give him a knowing nod, and he leaves me in peace with both my scotch and bourbon.
The little flat I own in London was once my grandmother’s. She loved to spend weeks on end in the heart of this city, but after Lee died in the plane crash, she never flew again. I bought it from her for one dollar, and entering the little foyer, it still smells like Jo even though she hasn’t been here for almost eight years.
I’d not been in any sort of frame of mind to schedule a grocery delivery or maid service. No, I’m on my own, and honestly, I don’t want another person in my home right now. Looking in the fridge like food would materialize out of thin air, I turn on my