things off, Soren.” Maya’s voice wavered, and she took a deep breath. “It isn’t fair to you when I’m not even sure if I’ll make it back. I need to focus on June right now—that’s the most important thing.”
“No,” I said, not hesitating for a second. “I won’t let you walk away from me.”
“It isn’t your choice, Soren,” she said softly, “no matter how much you wish it was.”
I’d thought I’d known heartbreak before, but I’d never felt such a painful physical ache in my chest as I did now.
“Please, Maya,” I began, but she was already pulling out of my arms, shaking her head.
“I have to do this, Soren. I need you to let me do this—no interference. You have to promise me that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you.”
My gut reaction was to argue the point—after all, did she really think I couldn’t handle myself? No one would dare put their hands on a Hollander prince unless they had a death wish. Everything in me screamed to keep pushing her, to make her see that this was insanity. But the look on her face said it all. She was doing this, no matter what I said or did, and she was intent on going it alone. I was certain that if I continued to push her, she would shut me out even more.
But then she spoke again, her words like a punch to the gut. “Look, it’s a year. And I know what I feel for you will last until I get back. It would last through fire and flood and hurricanes and tornadoes. And…” Her lips traced a trail over her lower lip. “I can’t ask you to wait for me because if your mating gene kicks in again, you should be happy. Or if you meet someone. Or if…” She sighed. “You should be happy. But for now, you have to let me go because I won’t be whole until I know I’ve done everything I can to bring June home.”
She didn’t just mean go to Tracorox. She meant that I needed to step aside. That we should go our separate ways until she came back—if she came back.
No way in hell would I agree to that. “I won’t stop fighting for you, Maya. I love you. I can’t just walk away from you.” The agony on her face was a direct mirror of what I was feeling—like part of my soul was being ripped out.
“It isn’t your choice,” she repeated, this time with a note of finality. “It’s over, Soren.”
Another whack of the hammer to my heart. There was no point in arguing with her, though, that much was clear. But I wouldn’t give up, not on Maya. Despite what she said, this was far from over.
18
Maya
I’d thought losing June was the most painful thing I’d ever have to endure in my life, but the last two days were giving that a run for its money.
I looked outside my window into the garden, realizing that autumn would be here soon. Already the leaves were starting to turn. How had I missed that? Then again, I’d been so wrapped up in the decisions I had to make and so distraught over Soren that I guessed I’d had tunnel vision.
Even now, he was all I could think about, though my mind should have been singularly focused on what was ahead of me—finding June and coming up with a way to save her from whatever fate she’d fallen prey to, consequences be damned. I’d deal with the fallout after—finding a way out of my contract on Tracorox, getting back to Hollander and Dylan, figuring out my relationship with Soren… All of that would have to wait until I’d saved my sister.
As I sat there, watching the sun slowly set in the sky, I thought perhaps it was fitting that autumn was approaching. The life and beauty of the summer was dying away—much like my relationship with Soren. He was the love of my life, of that I had no doubt, yet I was choosing to walk away.
And he’d said he loved me. I’d played those words over in my head countless times the past two days. I’d desperately wanted to tell him how I felt as well, but he already hadn’t taken my choices well. I still wasn’t sure that he would follow through on my wishes and stay out of it—though, I had to hope he would. I simply couldn’t