Soon after, I crashed in my old twin bed back at Heath’s house.
At work I laid low. We couldn’t exactly avoid each other, but we really made no effort to chat, either. Two days after I’d left, he handed me an envelope, telling me he’d signed for my green card when it came.
So here it was, my way back in the country once I’d left. That was a burden lifted from me and I felt a little heady with the relief from it. That was one less worry to deal with regarding my Canada trip.
Once the weekend rolled around, I decided to cash in a few extra sick days and not go back to work again before I left. It was just getting too hard to see him there, knowing he was in the process of going back to the way things were before. That he was getting divorce papers drawn up. That he was moving forward with his life.
Hopefully once I got back, he’d be working at his new job in the other building and those chance happenings would be rare.
I took the time to find an Al-Anon meeting in the area and attended, and for once, told an abbreviated form of my story to the group. They were supportive, and I found some strength in that. I was doing the right thing.
The days ticked down and with each passing one, I was getting more and more anxious to get on my way and get this done and over with.
And behind me. Hopefully other things would soon follow and become part of the distant—but safe—past.
Chapter 25
Lucas
Kat wasn’t showing up to work. When I discreetly talked to HR, they informed me that it was sick leave. Since it was the Monday before she was to leave for Canada, I assumed she was giving herself the week off.
But still… not knowing where she was slowly drove me insane. Kat didn’t do personal social media, part of the whole paranoia and lying low thing. Since all her equipment was at my house, her gamer persona and Twitch channel were dark.
And so was I… completely in the dark, slowly losing my mind.
I was working on my presentation for the board, yeah. But I wasn’t sleeping and definitely wasn’t eating like I should have been.
And that empty house, but for clicking of dog toenails on hardwood floors and other normal household noises, was driving me insane. Everything was bland, gray and empty.
And she was gone. She’d left a Katya-sized hole in just about every aspect of my life.
Well this was what I wanted, right?
Because I was a gigantic fool. Because even now, after all of this, I had no answer to her open, guileless admission. I’m in love with you.
For the thousandth time, those words, in that clear, brave voice sounded in my memory. Indelible as the feelings it evoked. Fear, panic, a rush of… relief? Satisfaction? Denial.
I was on the couch, paging through my slides again on the night before the big meeting. I’d brought home some fast food for dinner and then walked the dog. Now I was listless and exhausted and flat. I scrolled through the tablet, mind blanking, forcing myself to focus when someone knocked on the door.
For one split second of misplaced adrenaline laced with hope, I thought it might be Kat. I knew she’d be catching her plane early in the morning, but maybe she’d swung by to pick up some of her things?
When I looked through the peephole however, it wasn’t her. It was Julia. Taking a moment to curb the profound disappointment, I opened the door.
My sister entered the house for the first time in months—since Kat had moved in, anyway. Had that only been less than two months ago? So much had changed since then.
And I was now measuring my life into Before Kat and After Kat. What did that mean?
Julia’s glance darted around nervously before I invited her to sit down. She wiped her palms across her pant legs, as if drying them and sunk to the edge of the couch. “Hey there, how are you doing?” she finally asked when I took the chair diagonal from her. “I’m sorry about just showing up. It was…. Well I’ve been trying to get up the nerve to do it and figured just getting in the car and driving over would be the easiest way to get it done. So I’m sorry to pop in with