get down but when I was trying to get down I dropped the joint I was smoking down Steven’s back. He was yelling at me to get it, it was burning him. I couldn’t because I couldn’t put the words together fast enough. The next thing I know the car had come to a complete stop. It was eerily quiet and I knew in the pit of my stomach that something was seriously wrong. When the fog cleared from my head I sat up and that’s when I saw the way Steven was trapped in the car and how much blood was there. I prayed.” I take a deep breath and rub my nose. “I prayed so damn hard that he would be okay. That just because he was trapped in the car once help arrived they could save him.” I shake my head as the tears start to fall. I don’t care in this moment that my teammates, my brothers, see me crying. “All the praying in the world didn’t save Steven. He died before help got there. I believed I killed him. Later it came out the guy in the truck that we hit was so drunk his blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit. There was no saying who hit who in this accident.”
Cash stands up and guys make a path letting him get to me. He wraps his arm around me and for the first time in three years my life finally feels right. I finally got all of the past off my shoulders. I’m finally starting to deal.
I rub my eyes with the backs of my hands as new tears are coming, or already there. This isn’t easy to say. “What we all have here is a team, a bond, a brotherhood that molds us to who we are. I feel… no… I know that I wasn’t there for you all these last few years but I’m here now. I’m not numbing the pain and the emotions away. I’m going to deal with them head on and get help if not for myself, for you guys.” Cash shifts beside me, and I look over at him. He has tears in his eyes. “No matter what. I’ve let relationships that meant the world to me go and I’ll never do it again.”
All the guys including the coaches stood, clapping and then they all took a few steps closer and as a family, as a team, we became one.
Macy and Madison flew in last night but we weren’t able to see each other because Cash doesn’t know Madison is here. I was able to get them front row seats. My phone beeps and I pull it out of my pocket.
Madison: Where are you?
Me: At the stadium. Want to see Cash before the game?
Madison: I was hoping you’d say that.
Me: K. Meet me down by section A and I’ll get him out there.
I walk over to Cash, “Can you do me a favor and not ask any questions?”
Cash shrugs.
“Go to section A.”
“Huh?”
I smile. “Just go to section A.”
He looks at me like I’ve completely lost my mind. “Alright.”
The opening ceremonies and the team bands have done their things. I still have yet to see Macy. Did she not want to come after all? Is she too disappointed in me for fucking up and not being able to play?
I spot Madison back in her seat and I jog over to her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to find Macy. I know you didn’t come alone,” I say confidently but there is doubt creeping in.
“Oh, yeah, uh,” Madison is fumbling with the right words to say. “She’s in the bathroom.”
“I’ll wait for her. I need to talk to her.”
“Don’t you have to be on the field?”
Why does it feel like she’s trying to get rid of me? “No. I’m not playing.”
The marching band comes on and I see Macy down on the sidelines. “What the fuck? You said she was in the bathroom.”
“Ladies and gentleman, here to perform your national anthem, Ms. Macy Thomas!”
“What is she doing?”
Madison hands me a folded up piece of paper. I quickly unfold it wanting to find out what’s going on.
The note has been kissed in blood red lipstick and the words “Just watch.” Are written in Macy’s handwriting.
Chapter Twelve
December 30, 2013
Macy
I’m so glad that Mom and Dad purchased a plane ticket for Madison to get to Texas with me. If she wasn’t here by my side I don’t think I would be