but I didn’t take the time. I didn’t realize what was right in front of me.”
Macy crawls over and lies against my side. She reaches over to hold my hand.
“See,” I try to smile but fail. “I should have done that. I feel like… I’m not good enough for you.” My throat feels tight with emotion.
I can feel Macy’s eyes on me, but I continue staring up at the brightest star in the sky hiding my emotions from her. “Landon, you are. This is you, always has been, and I love you with your flaws and all. If I didn’t, trust me, I wouldn’t be here.” Macy squeezes my hand. “I’ve been holding on hoping that one day you’d see me again. You’d come back to me.”
It’s quiet for a while. So many feelings running through me. I’ve shut down the last few years, temporarily numbing the pain away, but now that I’m back I’m not sure how to process with them. “My shining star,” I whisper. “You’re always there shining the brightest out of all the millions of stars in the sky.” I sigh heavily knowing this conversation is getting deep. “Even when the clouds roll in threatening to dull your light you’re still the brightest of them all. You’re always letting me know that you are there no matter how dark it gets.”
It’s so quiet out here, the only sounds that can be heard is our breathing. I turn my head to the side glancing at Macy. Her eyes glassing over. “Landon,” the corner of her lip curves into a half smile. “I’m about all out of tears. I’m crumbling and for once I need you.” She takes a shuttering breath. “I. Need. You.”
Rolling over I kiss her with no hesitation. “I’m here, babe.”
I rest my forehead against hers. “I love you, Landon.”
With those words all the fight leaves me, I am no longer angry. I am nothing without Macy in my life and it’s taken passing through the gates of Hell to get to this point for me. “I love you too.” And I mean those three words from the bottom of my heart, always have, always will.
I lie back and Macy lays her head on my chest. I run my hands through her hair comforting her like I have in the past. We’re quiet for some time letting everything soak in.
“Are we okay?” I ask. I need to hear the actual word, I don’t want to guess.
She sighs, “We’re always okay.”
“Well, that’s a problem.”
“I’m just thankful I still have you. All the other shit can be worked out.”
Macy and I fall asleep out on the hammock. We never find out if we still have the connection we’ve always had but I know we still do. Tonight wasn’t about that anyway. It’s about us finding our way back to each other. It’s about making sure she knows she’s still my shining star.
Chapter Ten
December 10, 2013
Macy
I loved waking up this morning listening to the waves crash onto the shore, but most of all finding myself in Landon’s arms. I got up early this morning so I decide to cook everyone breakfast. I can’t pass up the chance to use the kitchen again. I cook pancakes, French toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. One by one everyone comes into the kitchen having smelled the breakfast I’ve cooked. No one really talks since we are all stuffing our faces with the food that I’ve cooked but that’s okay. It’s not an unbearable silence but a comfortable one, a content one.
Once Alexa and Landon clean up the kitchen Alexa turns toward all of us sitting around the table. “Wanna go take a walk on the beach?”
I nod while glancing around the table looking for answers from everyone else.
“Let’s go,” Landon says tossing a towel on the counter.
We’re all walking down on the beach. The sun is shining but it’s still really cold. Cash and I have fallen back behind the rest of them.
Cash bumps into my shoulder. “You’re gonna do it, right?”
I don’t answer him because I don’t know. I don’t know if I can sing in front of thousands of people even if it is for all of us in one way or another.
“I’ll talk to coach when we get back.”
I glance over at Cash, “I never said I’m going to do it.”
Cash smiles, “But you never said you weren’t.”
I walk away without another word. He knows I’m going to do it. I’m doing it for all of us. And