but sometimes I want things a little crazy but I’m too afraid to say anything. I’m scared if I do he’ll pull back and push me away.
I lie there on my side and I wait for the bed to dip from him getting up but it never happens. He’s so quiet I think he’s fallen back asleep again. I turn slowly, trying not to wake him if he did. Landon has his arms tucked under his head staring off into space. I scoot a little closer to him and run a fingertip down one of the many scratches that have dried blood on it. Landon’s stomach muscles tighten. He lowers his one arm and brings my body closer to his. Is Landon Hayes actually cuddling with me after sex?
Shit!
The pills that I took last night. Oh my God, Landon is going to murder me. Maybe I just won’t tell him. Hopefully, he falls asleep and we can skip the pillow talk.
I wonder if this is this how Madison feels every day? Is that why she takes them, for that floating feeling, the escape from reality, the numbness?
Landon takes a deep breath and I watch as his chest rises and falls with each inhale and exhale. The marks on his upper body are red and puffy; they’re probably going to sting a little when he showers. I like seeing them there though knowing I put them on his chest.
“Do you remember anything that happened last night?” he asks.
I stop moving my thumb that’s rubbing just below his nipple. “A little. It’s kind of spotty though. Do you?” It’s a lie. I don’t want to say anything if he can’t remember.
I feel him shake his head rather than answer at first. “No, not really.” Landon plays with a piece of my hair. “I remember showing up to the party late.” He was late because he had to get high first, I’m sure. “Colton handed me a shot the second I made my way over to the guys and then that continued for a while. I remember I kept telling them no more and they weren’t listening so I left but I don’t remember how I got here.”
I lift my head off Landon’s chest and bring my hand up to the bruise under his eye, “Do you remember how that happened?”
He smirks, “Yeah. I punched Holden.” I remember dancing with Holden last night before things got fuzzy but if Landon doesn’t know why he punched him I’m not telling him. I’m sure the guys were rubbing it in his face.
I shake my head, “For what?”
Landon shrugs. “Don’t remember exactly.” He pulls on the strand of hair he’s playing with, “What happened with you?”
And there it is, the talk I didn’t want to have. “Heather and I were at a party.” That’s all I give him. He didn’t seem to care about where I was before he went to his party so why should he now?
“And…” Landon probes.
“And I don’t remember much of it. We weren’t there very long.”
He sighs, “You were trashed, Macy. I remember that part. You opened the door and jumped into my arms.” Landon reaches down for my hand that’s on his chest and brings it to the top of his head. He’s got a lump there. “We fell in the hallway.”
I frown. “I don’t remember that.”
“I’m not surprised. Heather said you weren’t drunk though when she helped us off the floor. She told me it was Madison’s fault that you were like that before she shoved us in here and left.”
Damn Heather and her big mouth.
Laying my head back on Landon’s chest I explain everything that I could remember about last night. “So, yeah, my head is killing me. I took a baggie of pills. I’m naked. I’m sore and I don’t know what the hell happened in those spotty moments.”
When I finish, Landon is breathing hard and his body starts to shake. “You took pills last night?”
I guess he did hear me say that part. “Yeah, whoever that guy that Madison deals with thought I was her, I guess.”
“Stay the fuck away from Jay, Macy. I fucking mean it.” Landon sits up abruptly. “He’s bad news.”
I cover my naked body with my sheet. “But not bad enough for you and Madison?”
Landon picks his jeans up off the floor and puts one leg into them. He glances over at me with rage in his blues. They’re so dark when he’s pissed. He reaches down and picks up his shirt