nights staring up at the ceiling these days. And listening to the soft snore of her dog, who could apparently sleep through anything.
She blinked into the darkness of her bedroom an hour later, after excusing herself from Jack’s home and driving back. He’d argued with her that it was too late to drive. That she could sleep on the couch or he could drive her home and get her car for her in the morning. Those were noble offers, but she’d refused and driven back, texting him when she’d safely arrived and locked herself inside. Sweetwater Springs had a few instances of crime over the last couple years, but overall, it was one of the safest places to be, in Emma’s experience.
Burrowing deeper under her covers as if it were a cold night instead of summer, her thoughts returned to Jack and what he’d told her. She’d often wondered about his aversion to alcohol, but she’d never considered that he was a recovering alcoholic. When he’d told her his story, she’d seen shame and guilt warring in his eyes. He didn’t need to feel those things though. All she saw was a man who’d overcome something that had taken many good people down. He was strong, a fighter, and should feel proud of who he was.
She, on the other hand, wasn’t proud of herself right now. Emma closed her eyes, willing sleep to come, but now that she was alone in the quiet of her room, her thoughts began blaring. Another day had gone by without scheduling her annual checkup. She’d promised herself that she would today, but she hadn’t.
Emma slipped her hand under her tank top and brought it up past her navel. She hadn’t even done the self-checks that she was usually so religious about. What was wrong with her? She closed her eyes and moved her fingers over the soft mound of her left breast, moving in a circular motion the way she’d been taught.
She didn’t breathe as she palpated. Finding nothing, she moved to her right breast. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably now. How could she even do this accurately? She palpated again, making tiny circles that started at the center of her breast and moved to the widest area. When she was done, she gasped and realized that tears were streaming down her cheeks.
Everything had checked out. No lumps. She swiped her hands over her cheeks, collecting her tears. Then she cried herself to sleep. They weren’t happy tears. Or sad. They were just overdue, like a lot of things in her life.
* * *
When Emma’s alarm clock went off just hours later, she opened her eyes and flinched. Her eyes felt raw, and she just wanted to close them again and return to sleep. Not that she’d gotten much rest.
On a yawn, she sat up and went through her morning routine on autopilot, preparing coffee, freshening Barnaby’s water and food bowls, showering, dressing, and taking a moment to watch the morning news. Once she’d gotten an update on the latest happenings in town from local newscaster Serena Gibbs, Emma headed out the door to her car.
She jumped straight into serving customers and making beverages when she arrived at the café.
“You look tired,” Nina said as she and Emma handled orders from the initial customers.
Emma felt that way too. “Gee, thanks. You look beautiful as always.”
Nina laughed. “Liar, but I’ll take a compliment where I can get one. And even when you’re tired, you’re still beautiful,” she amended.
This made Emma smile. “Liar,” she shot back, and couldn’t help but think about Sam and how he’d been so upset last night. Her mind had too much weighing on it—Sam, Jack, and the upcoming event. There was also her annual checkup that she still hadn’t rescheduled at the Women’s Wellness Center. At least she’d finally gathered her nerve to do a self-check. Baby steps.
She needed a way to turn her mind off completely. Otherwise, she’d never get to sleep tonight. She took the next order and started working on it, waiting for Nina to head back in her direction to do the same. “Remember when you wanted to take me out for my birthday a couple of weeks ago?”
“Yep,” Nina said as she prepared a mocha latte. “It was after the fact because you never told me it was your birthday on the actual day. I haven’t even gotten you a present yet.”
“Well, you can buy me a drink tonight,” Emma said. “I need a night out.