the answer were simple, but it wasn’t. “I don’t want to, I guess.”
“Because of your dad?” she asked.
Jack started to nod but stopped short. His mom was right tonight after the AA meeting. He was that kid who tried to do things on his own, and he’d grown into an adult who did the same. He was tired, and like Emma had said, there were too many secrets this summer. Telling Emma the truth might push her away, but if it did, maybe that’s what needed to happen.
“No, because of me.” Jack looked over and met her eyes. “I struggled in college and barely made it through my forestry degree. I’m not one of those guys who can stop with just one drink. Not easily, at least. It’s something I’ve learned about myself. One drink leads to two. Two leads to more.”
Emma’s mouth fell open. “I’ve never seen you drunk.”
“Then you’ve never seen me drink. I don’t blame it on my dad,” Jack said. “In fact, he’s the reason I know that’s not a road I want to go down. I’ve watched him lose what matters most because of his drinking. We learn from our parents’ mistakes, right?”
He sipped from his lemonade. While he was baring his soul, he might as well tell her the full story. “I drove drunk to your house the night of your senior prom. I’m not sure how I navigated the roads and made it there alive, but I’m mortified and ashamed that I did that. Your father answered the door.”
“What?” Emma stiffened in her chair. “You stood me up that night.”
Jack frowned. “Not exactly. Your dad put me back in the truck, and he took the driver’s seat and drove me to my mom’s place. He lectured me the entire way, but I was too out of it to hear much of what he said. I know he told me to stay away from you, and I don’t blame him. What would’ve happened had you gotten into my truck that night with me behind the wheel? I could’ve hurt you, Emma. I could’ve hurt anyone else on that road. I’ll always regret that.”
“Jack…,” she whispered. “I had no idea. But it’s been a long time since you were in college.”
Jack nodded. “That’s the thing that makes it a problem for me. It’s been a long time, but I still want a drink. I still think about it. It’s not something that’ll just go away.”
“I guess that’s why they call alcoholism a disease.”
“In a way, my dad did me a favor by being who he is. Now I know I don’t want to be like him and that’s motivation enough to keep my willpower. The memory of what I could’ve done to you is good motivation too.” He was surprised at Emma’s reaction. Or lack of reaction. She didn’t seem overly surprised or upset. “I’m sorry I ruined your prom, Em.”
“You’ve apologized a million times already.”
“Yeah, but now you know the real reason why. It wasn’t because I overslept or forgot about you. I never forgot about you, Emma.”
“Prom night is an awful memory for me, but I survived it. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“No need for that. I haven’t had a drink in years, and I don’t plan to. That’s why you don’t see my fridge stocked. I know my weaknesses.” Alcohol was one. Emma was the other. He’d done well to stay away from the first, but lately it was becoming an impossible feat to distance himself from the woman beside him, no matter what he’d promised her father.
A tiny strand of her hair blew in the night breeze, clinging to her cheek. Jack lifted a hand and slid it away, his fingers trailing longer than they needed to. He searched her expression, trying to decipher how she felt about his touch. About him.
She smiled back at him, a clear signal that she didn’t mind.
He leaned toward her, and she didn’t pull away. Another clear signal that she was okay with him being so close. He leaned some more, and this time she leaned toward him as well. A kiss was just a kiss, but this impending one felt like so much more. He’d just confessed all of his secrets and she hadn’t let it push her away. Instead, it had drawn her closer, and while he had iron willpower when it came to alcohol, he no longer had any willpower when it came to Emma.