it was mostly the cancer.
More time had passed. A few months. Gradually his rage had faded until he could look at what they’d had and realize it shouldn’t have been enough for anyone. He’d seen they weren’t in a good place and to make things better, to make their marriage stronger, they were both going to have to change. He’d told her he was willing to give it another try, and in response she told him she was dying.
In his head he understood why she’d waited. She hadn’t wanted him to take her back because she was sick. But in his heart and his soul and his gut, her withholding that particular truth was the greatest betrayal. Far more than simply sleeping with someone else. Once she’d known she wasn’t going to make it, she should have told him the truth. And she hadn’t.
He reached the end of the hedge and turned around to look at the destruction. The soil was dark and rich in contrast with the green grass. He knew what he wanted to plant here. He and Connor would tackle that the following weekend. Just like they’d hung on to each other as Iris had died. Connor had kept him going for months, but Declan was now willing to admit he needed to get on with his life.
The back door opened and Sunshine walked out, a tall plastic glass in each hand. It was maybe seventy-two and sunny. She was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. Neither were tight, neither were the least bit provocative, and yet all he could think about was how desperately he wanted her. Wanted not only what he couldn’t have, but wanted a woman who found pain in the wanting. Life was nothing if not ironic.
She smiled when she reached him. “You’ve been very busy this morning.”
“I’ve been putting off the job too long. The hedge was taking over.”
She handed him the first glass. “Water because you’re probably dehydrated. Did you put on sunscreen?”
“Yes, I did.”
He took the glass and downed the contents. She handed him the second glass.
“Strawberry lemonade. Connor and I made it together. We used the Vitamix. I’ve never used one before. It’s fantastic. I think I have a crush on it.”
“That’s weird, even for you.”
“I know.” She held the empty glass. “Sooo, Connor has a playdate with Elijah. I know what you said, but I still think you should consider meeting his mom. I think you and Phoebe would get along.”
He didn’t want another woman—he wanted Sunshine. But even ignoring the fact that she wasn’t into anything short term and he didn’t know what love was anymore, she was his son’s nanny and therefore off-limits.
He hadn’t had sex in a year. It was probably past time he got himself out there. Honestly, what was the worst that could happen?
He sucked in a breath, then shrugged. “Sure. I’ll meet her.”
Sunshine flashed him a smile that about drove him to his knees. “Yay! I’m so excited. I’ll get something set up right away.”
She ran back to the house. Her genuine enthusiasm made it clear that she wasn’t the least bit jealous or even concerned. So much for her secretly wanting him. Yup, life was ironic and just a bit of a bitch.
Chapter Fourteen
Margot stepped off the bike and nearly collapsed to the floor. Spin class was always a challenge, but this afternoon it seemed as if the instructor was out for blood.
As she made her way to her locker, she passed a guy throwing up in a trash can and felt her own stomach lurch. Water, she promised herself. She would drink the bottle she’d brought with her and another as soon as she got back to her place. Then she would make sure everything was all right at her apartment, shower, change, have lunch with her sister, then pick up more clothes and head back to the monastery. She knew Bianca was going out with Wesley so maybe Alec would like to hang out this afternoon.
She put on street shoes and collected her tote. Still smiling at the thought of spending time with Alec, she made her way to her car. Her phone rang as she unlocked the door.
She glanced at the screen. “Kiska, hi. I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are things?”
“Good. Busy. Dax is traveling all the time and I’m drowning in homework that needs to be graded. We’re talking about getting a puppy, but I don’t know. We both work.”
Kiska was an