down, but I was feeling extremely guilty and the silence was killing me.
“Did you feel anything?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean do you still have feelings for him?”
“Of course not. That’s why I ran out. Jason is safe and familiar, but he’s not what I want in my life. I need something new and unfamiliar and not so safe. I need you.” That wasn’t what I was expecting to say at all, but it was right, it was what I felt.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” That surprised me. “You’re not mad?”
“I’m kinda upset, of course. But I think that’s what you needed. I don’t think you had any closure when it came to Jason, and maybe that kiss is what you needed to realize what you really want in life.” I sighed with relief.
We took a minute to order our food and drinks. As he was giving his order, I took the time to praise myself for not walking away. I really thought this relationship could be something special. I knew it wouldn’t happen over night, and this had taught me that we still had a lot to learn about each other. If he was willing to work for it, so was I.
“So, I guess there’s no better time to have this talk than now,” I said after the waitress walked away.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wait until we get home?” he asked, looking around at the people sitting next to us.
“If we wait till we get home, then we’ll have all this tension over dinner and neither of us will be able to enjoy our meal. I’d rather just get it over with.” I wanted to make sure everything that was bugging me was done and over with after this dinner so I didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
“Okay, well, where should we start?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Who was your first serious girlfriend?”
“I dated a girl in high school, her name was Kim. We dated for about six months before she broke up with me because she thought I was too involved in football and didn’t pay enough attention to her. Which was true. I was working my ass off to get into Brant. There were a few girls before and after her, but they only stuck around for a few weeks, maybe a month or two at the most.” The waitress came over and set our two sodas and straws down on the table.
“Thank you,” I said to the waitress. “Do you still keep in touch with her?” I asked Adrian.
“Not really. She moved to Los Angeles after we graduated and hasn’t been back since.” He opened up his straw and put it in his drink.
“What about girls from Brant?” I took a sip of my soda.
“Same thing. They come and go. You’re the first serious relationship I’ve had since Kim.” It made me feel a little better hearing him say he’d only had one other serious girlfriend before me.
“Well, what about Sam?” My heart began to race. I didn’t want to ask, but I knew we had to lay it all out on the table before we could put it behind us.
“Sam and I met the summer going into my sophomore year at Brant during one of Shane’s parties. We hung out one night and then it sort of turned into a summer thing. At the end of the summer, she went to Florida, where she goes to school, and we continued on with our regular lives. When she’d come back again in the summer, we’d end up seeing each other and things just kind of picked up where they left off. Over Christmas break when she came back, I found out she was seeing one of my teammates behind my back and I freaked out. I couldn’t really get mad at her because we never considered ourselves official, but after that, things were never the same.” Knowing everything he just told me made me feel a little better, but it also made me sick to my stomach knowing they had so much history together.
“Then why did she seem so happy to see you?”
“She was drunk. After you left, I went into the kitchen to get a drink and I heard her telling her friends that after she found out I was with you, she decided she wanted to try and start things up with me again.” The waitress came to back to our table and brought our salads.
“Did you say anything to her?”
“I told her