know Jesse more, to really get to his inner core. I asked him ridiculous questions, questions that didn’t make any sense, just things that came to the tip of my tongue. What was his favorite color? If he could be any book character what would he be? What animal did I remind him of? Did he like scary movies? I asked him things that probably sounded absurd, but he answered me and asked me the same questions in return. He was always the selfless one, always taking the time to know me — that was Jesse. We reached the pool, my heart beat frantically, my palms sweating. I was very anxious anticipating what we were about to do.
“Jesse, we shouldn’t do this.” I whispered sitting in his car. He chuckled lightly and got out of the car, opening my door.
“It’ll be fine, Finn, I’ve got a key,” he said smiling at me, holding a large golden key in his hand.
“How do you have a key?” I asked confused.
“I teach swimming lessons here.” He shrugged and unlocked the gate. He said it like it was nothing. But to me it was just another indication that Jesse was a good person, more than good, he was nearly perfect. One more layer peeled away, one more discovery.
It was pitch black outside, too dark to see anything. I couldn’t see his face anymore. I followed his lead and held tightly onto his hand. He kept walking toward the pool. The light from the moon shined on the water. “It’s like bath water,” he said, his legs in the water. “Come on in,” he motioned to me.
“I don’t know,” I hesitated, nervous because I didn’t have my swim suit. I took off my shorts, keeping my shirt on over my bra and panties, but I still felt exposed. It was silly. Jesse had seen me in Meg’s skimpy bathing suit, but for some reason I felt like he was seeing more of me. He was wearing a pair of khaki shorts. I walked into the water slowly. It was tepid. It felt good.
“What’d I tell you? The water feels good,” he said. “There’s a diving board with your name on it, Finn.” He pointed to the diving board at the edge of the pool.
“No, I’m fine floating in the water thank you,” I said.
“Oh come on. You just need a few more practice dives and then you’ll have it.” He got out of the water and walked over to the diving board. He stood on it for one brief moment and dove beautifully into the water. There wasn’t much of a splash. His dive was too perfect to cause any commotion. He swam toward me eagerly. “Come on,” he tried encouraging me.
“Fine,” I relented and walked out of the water to the diving board. The air felt cooler and more crisp. The stark contrast between the warm water and the air made me instantly chilled. I stood on the diving board, ready to contemplate my next move, but remembered what Jesse had taught me that day we dove together. I chose not to over think my dive and instead just dove right in without a moment’s thought.
“That was a good one, Finn,” he said appraisingly.
“Thanks,” I said proud of myself. “It wasn’t as beautiful as your swan dives, but it was good, wasn’t it?” I said sure of myself, confident in my ability.
“You didn’t dwell on it, you just did it. That’s why it was so good,” he added. “When you just dive right in without thinking, it’s near perfect.”
I thought about what he said. How it related to my life, to this summer. I leapt without looking. I came to South Carolina without a plan and if I never had, I wouldn’t have discovered this part of myself. The Finn who didn’t have a plan, who just went with the flow, who had various life experiences and allowed people in her life that had changed it for the better. Diving was a metaphor for my life.
Chapter 20
We swam in the pool until our skins became like prunes. Swimming helped me take my mind off things. That was what I had wanted, to forget everything that I had learned in the last twenty-four hours.
Jesse drove us back to his house around four o’clock in the morning. The sun would be up soon, which meant it would be another day. I needed to see my grandfather, to find out why he and Nana lied to me