The Summer I Learned to Dive - By Shannon McCrimmon Page 0,64

me up. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do. The life I had known was a complete and utter lie.

Chapter 19

He showed up just like I knew he would. I got into his car without saying a word. He could tell I had been crying. My face was red. My eyes were bloodshot. “Do you want me to take you to see your grandfather?” he asked.

“No.” I shook my head. “Not like this. I need to figure things out first.”

“What happened?” he asked, his eyes showing concern.

“It’s a long and twisted story,” I said in a dark tone. He didn’t say anything. He kept driving. So many thoughts ran through my head. It had crushed me to discover my mother had lied about my grandparents, but to learn that she had lied about my father all of this time that was unforgivable. My father left me, it hurt to hear, but I could accept that. A part of me wondered where he was at that moment, what was he doing. Did he have another family, another life? Was he happy? Did he think about me? I had so many unanswered questions.

Jesse pulled the car into his driveway. It was nearly dark outside. All of the lights in his house were off. I opened my door and followed him inside. He turned on a light, it was messy inside. It had not been cleaned in a while but I didn’t care.

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to clean,” he said almost embarrassed.

“Don’t be. I don’t care. At least it’s real,” I said. He looked at me confused. “Where’s your room?” I asked.

“That way, why?” He was perplexed. I ignored his question and walked toward the back of the trailer, heading to his bedroom. He followed me. I opened the door and instantly lay on his bed. I forgot about the fact that I was in his room and on his bed. Had I focused on that, I wouldn’t have been able to speak. He sat down next to me, putting his fingers through my hair, trying to sooth me.

“Finn, what can I do?” he asked.

“I just want to sleep,” I said. I closed my eyes and tried to erase the hurt, the overwhelming pain that I felt.

“Finn, just let me know when you need me,” he whispered, kissing me on the forehead. I heard him leave and walk into the bathroom. He turned on the water in the shower. I must have lain there for ten minutes, in complete darkness and entirely alone. I didn’t know how to feel or act. All I knew was that everyone had lied to me. He came back into the room and lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around my body, holding me gently. I hoped he would never let me go. I turned my body over so that my face was facing his. He looked directly into my eyes.

My voice quaked at a near whisper. “My mother lied about my father. He’s not dead; he left us when I was two years old. All this time, I thought he died in a car accident. He’s alive, Jesse. He’s out there somewhere, possibly with another family as some other kid’s dad. He didn’t want me and she made me think he was dead.” I buried my face in his chest, sobbing. He rubbed his fingers in my hair and held me tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Finn. I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t,” he said. I looked up at him, my face within a few inches of his. I moved my face closer to his, placing my lips on his, kissing him. I wrapped my arms around him, my body touching his. My mind stopped working and my heart took over. My hands were all over him, touching his chest, his back. I wanted to devour him, to take him all in. When I thought he was going to stop kissing me, I kissed him harder, more frantically, afraid to let him go. I was kissing him, touching him, like it was our last time, like there was no tomorrow.

He stopped kissing me and whispered “Finn, you’re upset, we shouldn’t do this.”

“No, this is making me forget that I’m upset,” I said and kissed him again.

“Finn,” he said more resolutely this time. He immediately sat up, gently pushing me off of him. “This isn’t right,” he said.

“Why?”I asked irritated. I tried kissing him, but he