The Summer I Learned to Dive - By Shannon McCrimmon Page 0,63

you loved him, why were you so vague about him all of these years?” I asked incredulously. She ignored me and continued.

“I became pregnant, one of the happiest times in my life. He was thrilled. He wanted to have kids as much as I did. We talked about having four of five actually,” she said and smiled to herself. “But then things started to change. Once you were born, his behavior became erratic. He would have these moments where he was on top of the world and everything was perfect, and then he would go through these lows, so low, I didn’t think I could bring him back. He started spending money we didn’t have, staying out all hours of the night, doing things he had never done.” She looked directly at me, pleading with her eyes. “I didn’t understand what was going on. I was desperate. I loved him, he was your father and he was acting like a stranger. He even got arrested for drunk driving. It wasn’t him. And then,” she began whispering, tears streamed from her eyes. “I came home one day and he was gone. His stuff was gone. He didn’t leave a note, nothing, no sign of where he had gone.”

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I looked at her in confusion. “I thought he died in a car accident. Did he leave us before the accident?” I asked confused, afraid I already knew the answer.

“He…” her voice scratchy from crying, “he left us. He didn’t die, Finn.”

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips. Hurt again by her lies. I felt too much pain to respond, too in shock to say anything. My father was alive somewhere.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. But I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to know that he had left us. I thought it would be easier if you believed he had died. I thought I was doing the right thing.” She stood up and moved over to me, kneeling in front of me. I sat in silence, crying.

“Why did you keep my grandparents from me?” I asked.

“I was young, scared and alone. I didn’t have anyone to turn to. When your father left me to raise you alone, I was not in my right mind. I was desperate to keep our family unit together, at any cost. I thought they were going to take you away from me.”

“Are you crazy?” I asked indignantly. “You know what,” I yelled, “if they did take me away from you would that have been so bad. At least I wouldn’t have been lied to!”

“Finn, I’m so sorry. I thought they were going to take you away from me and you were all that I had. I was nineteen, young and scared and thought that they could take you from me because I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have a mother to teach me and I was so young Finn. I didn’t know who to trust. When your father left, my world collapsed and I was holding onto a thin piece of thread just to stay afloat. It wasn’t right to keep them from you, but I thought it was right at the time. I see now I made a horrible mistake, but I can’t change that,” she said. She moved toward me, trying to touch my arm. I walked away from her, feeling bitter, tasting hatred for the first time in my life.

“They must know that he isn’t dead. Why didn’t they tell me?” I said out loud, frustrated, pleading with the sky, with something, and trying to find reason.

“They knew. They wanted to tell you and planned to if I had not shown up. They felt that I should tell you.”

I became cold and my body shook. “I need to get away from here. I can’t talk to you right now.” I moved toward the front door.

“Finn, you’re too upset to go anywhere. Please, let’s talk. We need to work things out. I love you,” she said. She held onto my arm, her eyes desperately searching for me to say something.

“I don’t know you. You are a stranger to me. You don’t lie to people you love, Mom. Don’t worry. I don’t hate you anymore, I feel sorry for you because you don’t understand what love is.” I walked outside the front door and kept walking aimlessly. She didn’t try to follow me. I called Jesse and asked him to pick