The Summer I Learned to Dive - By Shannon McCrimmon Page 0,54
my shoes, and until you do, you don’t get to judge me,” he said loudly. He was angry with me and I didn’t like it.
“I didn’t mean to judge you, Jesse. It just doesn’t seem fair or right that you are giving up everything to take care of him. When do you get to live your life? When do you stop being his caretaker and make him take responsibility for his actions?” I asked, my voice raised.
“You can’t judge me, Finn. You have no idea what I go through and until you do, you don’t get to have an opinion,” he stated emphatically.
“I’m allowed to have an opinion, Jesse. You just don’t want to hear it because I may just be right,” I said sternly, confident in my feelings. Nothing was said for a long time. The silence was excruciating. I wondered how long it would go on like this; worried things were going in another direction entirely.
Finally, he spoke and said, “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m living my life, Finn. I live it every day. Sometimes in life you have to make some sacrifices for people you love. In this case, I just need to stay in town which isn’t much of a sacrifice really. I couldn’t imagine myself living anywhere else.” His lips curled into a faint smile. I tried smiling in return. He could feel the tension and discern my feelings.
“Okay,” I said feeling more at ease, more assured. He didn’t seem as angry. He was right, though, I hadn’t walked in his shoes, but it was still hard for me to understand. It didn’t seem right that he was sacrificing so much. It wasn’t right and deep down he knew it or else he wouldn’t have responded so defensively. How long did he plan to live his life this way? I wanted to ask him that question but decided to let it go for the time being.
“How about we finish this hike?” he asked changing the subject. He extended his hand and grabbed a hold of mine. We stood inches away from each other.
“Sure,” I said. I followed his lead and continued hiking promising myself not to broach the subject of his father.
***
The waterfall was more stunning than I had imagined it would be. It was enormous, several stories high. It was so tall that my neck strained just from looking up at it. We gingerly walked on slippery rocks that filled the pool of water that the waterfall fed into. Jesse led the way toward a dry rock big enough for the two of us to sit on. He sat down immediately taking off his shoes. He stuck his feet in the water and exhaled. “It’s nice and cold,” he said. I took off my shoes and stuck one toe in the water. It was cold, terribly cold. I instantly jerked my toe out of the water. He laughed.
“It’s really cold,” I said.
“Yeah, but it feels good.” He moved his feet around in the water, his toes wiggled. “Just plop them in the water. Don’t over think it. If you do it slowly, you’ll never get them in,” he said.
I dropped my feet into the water without hesitation. They instantly felt numb.
“Give it time,” he said noticing my yearning to want to remove them. I kept them in and discovered the cooling waters were soothing and were definitely a welcome given how hot it was outside. “See,” he said, always noticing me. It’s like he could read my mind. He never missed a beat. “How come you never visited Charlie and Lilly before this year?” he asked.
“That’s a very long story,” I said.
“You don’t have to tell me unless you want to,” he said sweetly, earnestly.
“No, I want to,” I took a deep breath. “I haven’t visited my grandparents before this because I didn’t really know they existed.” He leaned forward, his eyes intently focused on mine. “What I mean is I thought they didn’t want anything to do with me. That’s the way my mom made it seem anyway. She led me to believe that we were estranged all this time.” I shook my head in disgust. “I was rummaging in her closet and found a stack of letters they had been sending me since I was a little kid,” I said, my eyes watering. I knew that tears would soon form and flow down my face. It was only a matter of time.