“I guess I was lying to myself. I like you, Avery. I want to know you better. I want to be everything that makes you nervous and unsure, everything that scares and excites you, everything that makes you sigh and moan. But you have to let me.”
He was all of that. He was the nervous energy that made my heart race for no apparent reason. He was the thrill of a narrow hall shrinking around us. He was unpredictable and intense, and occasionally sweet. He could also be a total dick, which I strangely enjoyed as well. He was … Noah.
My chin lowered, as did my voice. “It’s not you. It’s me. I literally can’t date anyone. I just … don’t. I’m sorry. If we could just—”
My breath hitched as he walked toward the door.
“Noah, wait.”
He paused at the door but didn’t turn around to face me.
“You’re right. You scare me. I don’t know what you’re going to say or do, and I like that, but I also hate it, because I like the order in my life and I don’t want anyone or anything to interfere with my goals.”
Scowling over his shoulder, his gaze narrowed on me. “News flash, a good guy doesn’t fuck with his girl’s goals. He supports them and encourages her.”
“In a perfect world. Think about my job, Noah. Think about how you’d feel if we were involved.”
“There’s other work—”
“Nothing that pays like that. I’m not some genius. I struggle to make B’s, and I wish I had twice as many hours in the week to study, but I don’t. I work less than part-time and can clear enough to live comfortably—if I play my cards right.”
And if my mother stopped draining me dry. But that was none of his business.
“It’s a good job. There’s no other work like that. Not for my skill set.”
Come next September I would hopefully be teaching in a classroom with a respectable career, a new legal name, and a modest paycheck. But most of all, I’d have no college debt tying me to my unsavory past.
Everything from this part of my life and the stuff that came before would be nothing more than a memory. I’d be free to be whomever I wanted, and I wanted that freedom more than anything else.
I didn’t have a wealthy spouse or established parents to give me a leg up. I needed to build my own foundation, and I was running out of time. The next eight months were my last shot at earning enough money for a down payment on my own home, somewhere that matched my future income.
No. I couldn’t let him interfere with my plan. I couldn’t let my heart do my head’s thinking when things were so close to the dream I’d been chasing for years. Survival first, before everything else. Always.
“I’m sorry. I need the money. I’m good at what I do. And it’s worth every penny.”
He turned and scowled. “You’re more than a tight ass and pretty face, Avery. Those things shouldn’t be your skill set.”
“You’re angry because I’m putting work before you.”
“No, I’m angry because you call it work. What exactly are you selling?”
I stiffened. “You know it’s not like that.”
“All I know is I’m done negotiating. I’m out. I can’t do this with you anymore.”
“Do what?”
“This nit-picking. I’m a good guy, Avery—a hell of a lot better than any of those guys picking you up.”
“You don’t know them.”
“I know there’s gotta be something wrong with a guy if he has to pay for a woman’s company.”
My fingers twitched with the urge to slap him when he spat out the word company like it dirtied his mouth.
“Don’t blame me for your feelings. I didn’t put them there. And if you’re so disgusted by what I do, then stop knocking on my door!”
His laughter filled the tense conversation with awkwardness. “You’re right. It’s all me. This is totally one-sided, and you’ll lose nothing when I walk away,”
His sarcasm stung, but I couldn’t bend, not on this. Calling his bluff, I whispered. “We’re just neighbors, Noah. I’m sorry.”
He nodded and blanked his expression. “My mistake.”
He opened the door, and my heart jackhammered against my ribs. It wasn’t fair that the sight of him walking away had the emotional finality of a lowering coffin. This was nuts. I didn’t need his friendship, and I certainly didn’t react to ultimatums, but…
Damn him!
He admitted to feeling the chemistry, too. What if this was a