of us ever wanted to look back, not even for each other. It was survival of the fittest and holding on to the past would be an anchor keeping us there.
Nothing about me and Gavin’s relationship was ever meant to be permanent, but he released something inside of me that wouldn’t go away. He helped me find a piece of me I hadn’t known was there and after losing him, that piece remained.
I had no regrets for the short yet defining time he was a part of my life. He was the one person I wished could watch me graduate in the spring, but that was impossible.
I rolled to my side and wiped my eyes. There was a reason I didn’t let people in. Friends were wonderful—while they lasted. But when they disappeared, the pain was unbearable. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take that kind of risk again.
But part of me wanted Noah as a friend. There was something different about him, something I struggled to resist. Finding him attractive complicated matters. But what attracted me most of all was the thought that I might be ready to try to make friends. Was my life finally reaching that point of normal? God, I hoped so.
13
Avery
Barely awake, I took the elevator to the bottom floor. Last night I’d tossed and turned until I was certain I wouldn’t sleep. Around three in the morning, I decided to release some tension, so I pulled out some heavy artillery.
There I was, having a nice old time with myself, picturing God knows what, when Noah’s face suddenly popped into my head. He was looking down at me, eyes heavy, mouth crooked in a half grin, strong hands touching my breasts, pinching me, pinning me…
I shoved away the images but my body responded too soon. Legs quivering, heart racing, the memory of those visions sent my sex into overdrive. Fuck!
I’m supposed to be in command here! Could I not even maintain control when I fingered myself?
“Damn it.” I blew out a frustrated breath. Not what I had in mind.
I passed out for a couple of hours until my alarm went off at dawn, and now I was zombie-walking my exhausted ass to the gym. Damn Noah. He wasn’t supposed to be in my head, and he certainly wasn’t supposed to be in my fantasies. He was ruining everything.
Thinking we could be friends was a mistake. From now on, I was not going to think about him. If I saw him, fine, I’d be polite. But there would be no downtime Noah thoughts. I should have never let him touch me last night.
Swiping my card through the keypad, I pushed into the gym and froze. Was someone here? No one ever used the gym this early besides me. Great. I hated working out around other people, and I didn’t bring anything to cover up. Hopefully, it was a woman, because my sports bra and booty shorts weren’t exactly concealing and I wasn’t going back upstairs.
Heavy footfalls pounded as the motor of a treadmill hummed. I turned the corner and came up short.
Him.
“Morning, neighbor!” he shouted, face all chipper like he’d already gotten in his Wheaties and knocked out a decent warm up.
“What are you doing here?”
“Girl, last night I killed half a bottle of wine and, after my company left, I annihilated an entire pizza. From lips to hips, I swear.”
He was making fun of me, and I sort of liked it. Hiding a smile, I climbed onto the other treadmill.
The gym was nothing fancy, but it was private, for residents only, and had all the basic necessities. Two treadmills, a step machine, free weights, mats, yoga balls, and a few press machines. Except now, there was a wolf in my den.
I adjusted the incline and set my track for eight miles. My gaze skittered to his settings and saw he’d already been at it for thirty minutes. It didn’t matter. This wasn’t Noah time. It was me time. I plugged my headphones into my ears and hit play.
Florence + the Machine’s Shake It Out came on, and my body fell into a steady rhythm as I shut out everything else. The drums kicked in, and she sang about burying regrets and pushing through challenges, and my heart rate picked up the pace. By the time her voice careened into the first climax, my speed was up, and I was going full throttle.
I loved to run, the freedom of it, the results, the endorphins.