the emotion. Just take a few deep breaths and let’s talk about it.”
Kieran stood and pulled on his pants. He grabbed her clothes and spell dried them. Walking over to her, he knelt down in front of her. “Let’s put your shirt on, okay?”
Annika nodded her head and let Kieran pull her up from the ground. He placed the shirt on her and buttoned it up. Annika’s head hung low and she didn’t look at him. Holding out her pants, he let her put them on. While she did that, he spread out a blanket from his saddle bag. He opened up a bottle of honey wine that he had brought.
“Come sit down, Annika. Have a glass of wine. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”
Annika let out a tiny hiccup and sat down cross legged on the blanket. She idly picked at a blade of grass. Kieran brought over two glasses of wine and sat down across from her. Handing her a glass, he tried a little humor.
“Well, you are officially the first woman I have set into a fit of tears with my love making.”
Annika let out a harsh laugh. She took a sip of the wine and looked at him with misery in her eyes. “That’s the problem. It was love making.”
Kieran cocked his head to the side. “And that’s bad?”
Annika nodded her head. “For me it is.” Her voice was small, like a child.
Kieran didn’t push. He watched as she continued to pick at the grass. Tears filled her eyes again, and he watched one roll down her cheek and spill onto the blanket. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked at him.
“My mother died when I was six. Mary helped to raise me for the next five years…until she fell in love and moved away.” Kieran noted the word “love” was said with bitterness. “My father quickly married, thinking I needed a woman’s influence in my life. That woman brought her son, Mason, into our home….”
Annika had drifted off. Her lower lip trembled and Kieran knew she was searching for courage. His stomach was in knots because he knew what was coming next.
“I was fifteen when he first raped me.” Annika looked at Kieran and her eyes were filled with self-disgust.
Kieran’s heart ripped. “No, Annika. It wasn’t your fault.”
She held her hand up to stop him and he knew she needed to finish before she chickened out. “I didn’t know much about sex, but I knew it was wrong. I tried to fight him off. But he was so strong. And when he was done, he told me I was the best he’d ever had. That he was so glad he’d come to live with me. Before he walked out of my room, he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss…” Annika visibly shuddered. “Then he told me…he told me that if I told anyone, he would first kill my father then he would kill me.”
Kieran tentatively reached out and grabbed Annika’s hand. At least she didn’t draw it away.
“It went on for the next three years. I got good at hiding from him. I visited Mary as often as possible. So it didn’t happen a lot, but when it did…I just couldn’t stop it. Toward the end, I didn’t care if he killed me. But I was afraid for my father’s life. So… I just took it.” Annika looked at Kieran with a pleading look on her face. “Does that make me a bad person? That I just took it?”
Kieran couldn’t hold back. He grabbed Annika and pulled her onto his lap. Placing his lips against her hair, he squeezed her. “No baby, you are not a bad person. You were a victim. There was nothing you could do.” Kieran held her tightly and rocked her back and forth. Her head lay on his shoulder and she was silent for a long while.
“I did try to end it.”
Kieran pulled back a bit and looked at her. He stroked her face. “What do you mean?”
“Just before I turned eighteen, I tried to kill myself. Mason had just left my bed, and I was in so much pain, I just wanted it to end. I took a knife to my wrists. I would have succeeded but one of our maids found me.”
“What happened next?” Kieran had pulled her head back to his shoulder and was stroking her hair. He felt like he was going to vomit.
“A healer came. They saved my life. But...” Annika took a