Still not into you - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,38

away. He doesn’t know what a horrible person I am and how wrong it is for him to love me. I don’t. I can’t. I want to stay in this moment forever. I don’t know if it will come again.

“Love is all there is, Alice,” Hudson says through the kiss. I can feel a wide smile form on his lips. “Don’t you know that?”

“No, there are other things. Things that complicate love,” I say, pulling away from him. If you knew what I did, you wouldn’t think that love is all there is, I say to him silently, in my own head.

“No.” He kisses me again, parting my lips with his and running his tongue over mine. “All you need is love. That’s all anyone needs.”

“That sounds nice,” I say with a smile.

“What’s wrong, Alice?” Hudson says. His face grows more serious. Concerned.

“Nothing.” I shrug. Just tell him. Open your mouth and say, so this is what happened that weekend we went to Atlantic City. We got really drunk, and I mean really drunk, and Dylan and I accidentally got married, but it was just an accident. We’re going to get an annulment. Everything’s going to be okay. Let’s just pretend that everything is the way it was. Like this never happened. I mean, all you need is love, right? You love me and I love you. That’s all you have to say. Just start talking.

“Alice?” Hudson asks again.

“I don’t know, Hudson,” I finally manage to say. “Everything is so complicated now. I don’t know if we can just go back to the way things were.”

“But why? I want to and I can see that you want to, too,” he says with a hopeful look on his beautiful face. I inhale and breathe out slowly. So, what if I did? What if I just moved on with this from this moment forward? Wouldn’t that be something? Of course, I can’t. I wouldn’t. It would be too wrong.

“Okay.” I nod my head. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Okay?” Hudson asks. I can see that he can barely believe his ears. “Seriously? You want to get back together?”

“Yes.” I nod. “I love you. Very much. More than anything.”

“Oh my God, Alice.” Hudson wraps himself around me. I can feel him smelling the top of my head as he hugs me. I feel his body shaking next to mine.

“I love you,” he whispers as he pulls away.

When I look up at him, I see a few tiny tears building up at the bottom of his eyelids. Hudson isn’t much of a crier. I’ve only seen him cry on two occasions—once when his grandmother died and another when his best friend got into an awful car wreck and we didn’t know if he would live or die.

“I’m so, so sorry about everything,” he mumbles.

“Me, too,” I whisper. “I’m sorry about everything.”

22

Hudson is sorry about the past. He wishes it would go away. I’m sorry about the future. I wish that it wouldn’t come, or at least, that the truth wouldn’t come out. Sitting across from him right now, it almost feels possible. Like I can actually get this marriage annulled without him ever finding out about it. Maybe we can just…pretend that this never happened. Maybe we can just start off where we had left off.

“I’m so happy, Alice,” Hudson says, leaning back in his chair. His smile turns into a laugh, which then shakes his whole body. Loose strands of hair fall into his face as he rocks back and forth. He tucks some behind his ears, over and over, but they keep getting untucked.

Our eyes meet and, this time, I don’t let go.

“Me, too,” I whisper.

“Let’s get out of here,” he says, taking my hand. I don’t know where we’re going. I let Hudson lead the way. I’m okay with wherever he decides to take me. I just want to be with him.

Hudson leans close to me. We’re in his room. No one else is home. His fingers run along my jawline and bury themselves in my hair. He gets closer. I feel his breath on my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me. I pull forward and try to press my lips onto his, but he stops me. He demands that I wait. He leans down and runs his lips over my neck. His lips are smooth and gentle. Soft.

I bury my hands in his hair. Slowly, I pull his head up to mine. I have to taste him. I want his tongue inside