Still not into you - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,37

together and in love. When everything in the world was right and nothing could break us up.

“You smell so nice,” he whispers, giving me a chaste peck on the cheek.

He leans over to kiss my lips, but I turn my head away. I move away from him. My whole body tenses when he puts his arm on the small of my back and doesn’t remove it. Eventually, I just take a step to the side to get myself some space.

“Listen, I’m glad you’re here,” he says.

His face looks serious. Hudson furrows his brows and his eyes look earnest and under control. It’s as if he can stop them from twinkling just by willing them so.

“I can’t stay,” I say.

“Alice, please.” Hudson takes my hand. “I feel like we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. I haven’t seen you much since…that happened. I really need to talk.”

“No, I really can’t.” I shake my head and turn to leave.

“You don’t have any more classes today, Alice. You’re just avoiding me,” he says. The desperation in his voice makes me sick to my stomach. Against my better judgement, I turn around and sit down across from him.

“Thank you,” he says, picking up my hand and kissing the back of it. As if he’s some sort of servant. As if I’m some sort of princess.

“What do you want to talk about?” I ask. My voice is distant and austere. I’m trying to make it as impersonal as possible. As if that can save me.

“Us,” he says. This time, his eyes twinkle. The light washes over my body as if it’s my conscience making me feel even more horrible than I already do. I wait for him to continue. I’m afraid that I’m going to start crying if I utter even a word. My throat closes up from the pain and my mouth runs dry.

“I’m so, so sorry about everything that happened, Alice,” Hudson says. He takes my hands in his and looks me straight in the eye. At first, I try to resist, but I can’t avoid his eye contact no matter where I turn. He forces me to lock eyes with him.

“I was a real asshole,” Hudson continues. “I don’t want to excuse any of my behavior, but I was under a lot of stress. I had this intense Macroeconomics problem set due, which I couldn’t do at all. I was swamped at work. We had that fight. Oh, it was so stupid.”

I nod and try to look away. When he notices my gaze moving, he takes my chin with his hand and points my head back at him.

“What I’m trying to say, Alice, is that I love you. I’m not confused anymore. I know what I want.”

“And what’s that?” I ask. I can’t believe what he’s saying. It sounds like words. Familiar words. They just don’t make any sense in that order.

“I want to be with you, silly.” He smiles.

“Um,” I start to say. I don’t even know where to begin.

“Please, Alice.” Hudson’s eyes plead with mine. “I love you. I know I hurt you again, but I want to make it up to you.”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

“I know you love me, too,” he says, kissing my fingertips. “I just know it. I can feel it now.”

Oh, if only it was this simple. Of course I love you, I want to say, but that’s not all that matters. There’s more to it. There’s all this complicated life stuff. All the things that make love so impossible and complex and difficult to handle.

“I love you, too,” I say. I don’t know what else to say. I want to tell him something true. For a second, I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to be a fraud. Every moment we’ve had together has felt like an un-truth ever since we got back from Atlantic City.

“That’s great.” Hudson’s eyes light up, but I shake my head. “What? What’s wrong?” he asks.

Tell him. Tell him now. Tell him that you accidentally married his roommate. He’ll forgive you. If you tell him now. I open my mouth to say it, but nothing comes out.

“I’m not sure that’s enough,” I say.

“Of course it is, Alice,” Hudson says. He moves over to my side of the table. There’s warmth pouring out of him, actual heat, and it wraps me in a warm blanket of love. He puts his arm around my shoulder, lifting up my head. He presses his lips onto mine. I want to push him