My family parks around the television for a feel-good movie. I’m still thinking about rabbits an hour later, when I hear the faint sound of my phone ringing inside my bedroom. My heart catapults into my throat. I sprint upstairs and barely catch it in time.
“I love you,” Josh says. “Hold on.” There’s laughter and loud voices, and then the sucking sound of a sliding door being shut. “Okay, I’m on a patio. Or a private balcony. Or something. Actually, I don’t know where the hell I am.”
“But you’re at the White House?”
“Yeah.”
Rabbit.
“I know,” he says, when I don’t say anything. “It’s weird. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not that.” Rabbit rabbit. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”
“My mom said I could call you. I’m using her phone again.”
“So, um. How is it?”
“Did you get my package?” he asks over my question. I can practically hear his sweat dripping into the receiver.
“I did. I read it last night. It was great.”
There’s a long, dead pause. “Wow.” His voice is as dull as my delivery. “That didn’t sound convincing even to you, did it?”
“No. I just—” And then I burst into tears, hating myself.
“What’s the matter?” He turns panicked. “What is it? Which part?”
“No. It’s good.” I can’t stop crying.
“Please,” he begs. “Don’t. Listen, I know I was a dick to Rashmi, especially when we fought, but I swear that won’t happen with us. It’s so different with you. I would never be like that with you.” It’s the fastest I’ve ever heard him speak. “I was younger, and I was so much stupider—”
“It wasn’t the fighting. It was…” My tears explode into gut-wrenching sobs. “The rabbits.”
“Rabbits?” But his confusion is only momentary. “Oh. Oh.”
“Why would you draw those things? Why would you show them to me?”
“I-I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal—”
“You didn’t think it would be a big deal for me to see your ex-girlfriend naked? To learn the explicit details of you guys losing your virginity together?”
“I don’t know.” He’s reached a full panic now. “I wrote about it because it happened. And I shared it with you, because I wanted to be honest with you. I wanted to show you everything. The ugly parts, too, remember?”
“Well. Maybe not everything belongs in a book.”
“I’m sorry. Ohmygod. I’m so sorry, Isla.”
I don’t say anything. It’s unfair, but I’m hurt. I want him to hurt, too.
“Please don’t hang up. What about the end, the part with you? How was that?”
“Yeah, those eight whole pages were fine.” I regret the words the moment they leave my mouth. I’ve never said anything more selfish in my life. It’s not like he’s even had time to draw us yet. It takes for ever to do the kind of work he does. He shared something personal with me, and I threw it in his face.
His silence is terrible.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.” Tears and snot are rolling down my face. “Your book is great, really.”
Josh snorts, but now he’s crying. My guilt quadruples.