The squad car pulled away, with Rudy cursing and twisting in his seat, and I turned to look out the back window. I could see the principal down on his knees in his wrinkle-free slacks. He hadn’t even bothered to get a shovel. He was ripping the fruit trees out of the ground with his bare hands.
* * *
The sun was coming up as Rudy and I were ushered into separate cells. They made me take off my boots and jacket, so I sat there shivering on the cement bench staring through the glass into the outer room where clerks answered phones and itemized the contents of inmates’ pockets: cell phone, cigarettes, penny, baby sock, lotto card, rolling papers, rubber band, receipt, car key, stub of pencil, same stuff as people who weren’t in trouble with the law.
There was a pay phone on the cell wall, and I called collect. I crossed my fingers that Lily and Karen had the landline plugged in, hoped that there was enough electricity to run it, but the previous day had been cloudy. Karen picked up on the third ring, and I heard her accept the charges.
“We already heard from Rudy,” she said. “I can’t say I understand or appreciate it, but I think I get the picture. So what do you want us to do?”
“I just wanted you to know where I am,” I said. “There’s this phone here, on the wall.”
“Like I said, Rudy already called,” she said. “You want us to post bail or something?”
“No,” I said. “I guess not. The court probably opens in a couple of hours. Might as well just wait it out.”
“Might as well,” she said.
“Thanks for accepting the charges,” I said.
“Of course,” she said. “Call again if you need a ride.” She hung up.
On our way into the courthouse, we passed a public defender with a slack suit, bowlegs, and heavy white eyebrows. He took one look at Rudy and sent that brow up three inches, seemed like he was angry until you noticed he was smiling. “System got you again, Rudy? You know she’s a jealous mistress, don’t like to let go,” he said.
Rudy said, “Aldi, you ancient asshole, just the man I hoped to see this morning.” They embraced, then looked at each other a long moment. “Wooly worms say it’s going to be a hard winter,” Rudy said. “You prepared for that?”
“I’m retiring,” Aldi said. “Give it about three weeks. By Christmas for certain. I’m going to let those dark days come at me without the added darkness of this hell pit.” He waved a hand toward the courthouse. “That should improve my mood.”
Remembering me, Rudy put his arm around Aldi and introduced me as his accomplice. “This here’s Aldi Birch,” he told me. “Only man who truly understands me. Aldi’s the one helped me out years ago, when they first locked me up in the psych ward. Tried to sue them for, I don’t know, breaching confidentiality.”
“Didn’t work,” Aldi said.
“But he tried,” Rudy said.
I had heard Aldi Birch’s name, of course, knew he was a neighbor of ours, knew he had a place out on Lodi Creek. But this was the first I’d seen him. He took me in from under that impressive brow and I can’t say, even now, if he approved of what he saw.
Rudy told him why we were there.
“Why did you have to throw that beer can?” asked Aldi.
“These fucking yuppies deserve that and worse,” said Rudy. “They deserve fruit trees. They deserve to have to take care of them.”
“I think you’re using the word yuppie incorrectly,” I said. The men looked at me. “Young urban professional, right?” I said. I looked at Aldi for confirmation, but Aldi, so ebullient with Rudy, gazed at me like the stranger I was. I pressed on: “That principal may be a professional, but he’s definitely not young or urban.”
“Helen’s from Seattle,” Rudy said. “She’s just mad because she’s a yuppie, too.”
“He knows ’em when he sees ’em,” Aldi said, and they laughed and slapped each other on the back. We went into the courtroom together, and Aldi took the bench behind us.
Then we were called before the judge, and the sheriff’s deputy stood up, and between us we were charged with criminal mischief, trespassing, resisting arrest, and drunk and disorderly conduct. The deputy wiped his face, looked me up and down. “I wouldn’t stay mixed up with a guy like this, nice