full of kids, which was toxically cool, but they were all making the same sort of salute I had made to the Mean Aunt, the noble salute I gave so that the Mean Aunt would tell Mama K that I was steadfast and resolute. No one had ever laughed when I did the salute before. But when I saw all the kids on the bus doing the salute, I knew that it was funny. In fact, it was the funniest thing anyone had ever done and I was the one who did it.
I sat down next to the mowed head kid and the girl in the seat behind us put her fist on her heart and said, Hey, Bexley, aren’t you going to say hi to your new friend? So then I knew the mowed head’s name so I said, Hello, Bexley, I am Perley. We could be new friends.
Could be but ain’t, he said. I’ve seen you.
I’ve seen you, too, I said.
Shut up, he said. You wouldn’t hide like that behind the sycamores with your mouth hanging open unless you were touched, is what my uncle said.
I am an elfin spy with optimum fighting skills, I said. Part wolf. Maybe you are, too.
You’re touched, he said. Or you’re a baby. That’s how come you need a grown-up to take you to the bus. He pointed out the window at the Mean Aunt, who stood scowling at the bus as it pulled away but that was just her face. Is that your mom or is that your dad I can’t tell, said Bexley. The girl behind us laughed so I was helpful and said, Actually I don’t have a dad that’s my aunt.
You know what that makes you? said the girl. That makes you a bastard.
I don’t think so, I said.
Yes, it sure does, said Bexley.
I have two moms and one mean aunt, I said.
Two moms? the girl asked, and I said, Yeah, Mama L and Mama K.
That makes you a faggot bastard, Bexley said. And I didn’t know what either of those things meant because they weren’t in ElfQuest, and they weren’t in The Encyclopedia of Organic Gardening by J. I. Rodale and Staff, 1970 edition, and my women had never mentioned them to me. I didn’t know what they meant, but I knew I would have to remain extremely vigilant at school to find out.
* * *
It’s a good thing I was prepared. It’s a good thing I was ready for anything. It’s a good thing I remained steadfast and resolute. Because even after the bus stopped and I went into my classroom things didn’t turn out the way I had imagined them. I was highly skilled, my training was top-notch, and I thought that would make the other kids like me, but I didn’t get a chance to show them how prepared I was or how much I had practiced.
When do I get a chance to make my report? I asked the teacher, who was a grown woman like a box of tissue at the IGA, that beautiful. I almost touched her, but I remembered Mama K had said, Don’t touch anything, Perley, just don’t. So I held my hands to my sides, and the teacher said, Your report? And I said, When do we show our skills? And she said, Right now is the time to show your skill on the tablet. Which is one thing I knew about because the elves had tablets, too, they were made out of stone. The teacher said, Class, it’s time for Specials and from now on we are going to do our Specials on our tablets. It’s an initiative, it’s an initiative that each Appalachian child gets a tablet. Carved from the very stone, I said. No, you faggot bastard, said Bexley, but really quiet so the teacher didn’t hear. She passed around books that weren’t books and each and everyone else got started but I just waited for the tablet. Perley, you’ve got to turn on the tablet so that you can do your Specials, she said. Oh yes, I said, and that’s how I knew that the book was a tablet not an elf tablet a school tablet it was made of plastic. It was like what my women had but bigger, a phone with a screen that they had to walk up to the top of the ridge to get reception, and they wouldn’t let me touch it because they said it would rot my ear.