walked glumly back to my car and cranked up the heat. I sat there for several minutes while the heat ate away at the fog clinging to the inside of my windshield.
Miriam had always managed to make time for me, even in the trickiest phases of motherhood. I knew times had changed but it still hurt a little bit that I was the thing being put aside to deal with later. I understood the kids came first. Of course, I understood that. And I would never want her to choose me over her family.
Nevertheless, it hurt. I ached for things to be different just for a little while. I ached for the days when my best friend and I only had eyes for each other before life got complicated and I fell in love with my job and she fell in love with Robert.
Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe if you hadn’t been so busy with work, you’d have more than just one friend to lean on.
When my windshield was clear, I pulled out of the driveway and headed toward my favorite bakery to treat myself to a chocolate croissant. Something about the decadent melted chocolate inside a puffy warm pastry always seemed to brighten my mood.
The cafe was a trendy but undiscovered gem that wrapped me up like a warm blanket when I stepped through the front door and out of the Vancouver chill. Instrumental Christmas music played in the background while people chatted at their tables or stirred sugar cubes into their coffee. The clinking of spoons on ceramic cups was a welcome sound over the traffic outside.
I ordered my croissant and a latte and found a table in the corner where I made myself comfortable. I wasn’t used to being out and about so dressed down and I felt rather invisible in my secluded little spot as I sipped my coffee and ate my treat—until someone approached my table and said my name.
I looked up and found a pregnant woman grinning at me.
“Casey,” I said in surprise. “Hi.”
“Hey,” she said cheerfully. “Mind if I join you for a minute?”
I looked at the seat across the table from me and planted the sole of my sneaker on the seat so I could push it back for her. “Please do.”
Casey sat and rested her hands on top of her round belly. “How are you?”
“Good.” It was an auto response, a thoughtless word of habit.
Casey gave me a knowing smile and cocked her head. “Are you?”
I swallowed. “I might be a little conflicted.”
“Can I tell you something if you promise not to be upset with my wayward brother-in-law?”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not one to make promises I can’t keep, but I’ll do my best.”
Casey shimmied her chair along the side of the table so she could sit beside me instead of across. “Ethan called me this morning. I know that you went home with him last night.”
My cheeks burned. “Oh.”
“Please, don’t be embarrassed. He wouldn’t have told anyone else. He and I—I don’t know—we have a good relationship like that. He trusts me and I trust him. And sometimes, it’s easier for him to talk to me because I’m technically not his blood, you know?”
I didn’t know. “Sure.”
“Anyway, if you needed to talk to someone about it just to catch your breath, I’m here.” She leaned back and rubbed her belly. “And to be honest, I’m a pretty good listener these days because I need the distraction, and when I talk too much, I get out of breath.”
That was all the permission I needed to launch into everything I’d wanted to say to Miriam. I told Casey about my doubts and fears and about how worried I was to see Ethan in person on Monday morning. I confessed how good the sex was but how it was unprofessional and how we couldn’t let it happen again.
Casey didn’t speak until I slumped back in my chair, spent. She watched me thoughtfully. “Kathryn, this is your decision to make. And you should know Ethan isn’t the kind of man who will have expectations of you. Hopes? Maybe. But not expectations. If you don’t want something like that to happen between you guys again, you can tell him and he will understand. But you should know, Ethan is a really good man. He’s quality, you know?”
I nodded and looked down at my hands in my lap. I’d only just started to believe that myself after thinking he was a shallow ass for the