Stages of Grace - By Carey Heywood Page 0,59

from a moment ago, trying not to blush and put his license back into his wallet. "Yes, you are still very cute."

"You think I'm cute?"

"Vermont!"

"You didn’t answer my question."

"Not going to either."

"Aw, you're no fun."

"Yep, that's me. No fun at all." I blush, realizing I'm flirting with him. Guilt coils in my stomach as I think of Jon.

We make it to Virginia before dinner. Pulling off the highway in a small town, we pick up some fast food and check into a motel room. It’s a surprise to the clerk when I ask for two double beds.

The clerk, who is an older woman, takes a second look at Ryan. "You sure?"

"Yes, thank you." I grumble, handing over my credit card as Ryan tries unsuccessfully not to laugh. He manages to keep it to a chuckle, which I appreciate. We walk out to the car and park it as close to our room as possible. I feel uncomfortable having all of my earthly possessions sitting in it while in an unfamiliar place. I beep the alarm three times before leaving it. The room in general isn’t bad, just seems outdated. It appears to be clean, though, and that is all I care about. Ryan is adamant about having the bed closer to the door.

He makes such a big deal about it, I ask why.

"Well, to protect you should something happen."

It takes me a moment to respond. It feels like I have never known someone to be selfless. "You don’t have to protect me."

"I know that."

"It's nice that you want to. Thank you."

Ryan furrows his brows and looks at me before calling Kate to let her know we were stopping for the night. I set my bag on the other bed and then sit at the small table to eat my burger. It’s weird. I slept in the same apartment as him last night, but now we'll be sleeping in the same room, it feels more…personal. He'll be able to see me while I'm asleep. What if I snore? And the room in general isn’t very big…What if I got gas? I cringe at the thought. I'm attracted to Ryan. The very fact that I am acknowledging that makes me feel guilty, like I have not properly dealt with my break up with Jon. Thinking of Jon and what he said confuses me.

If he'd only shown some semblance of affection towards me since my return from Florida, I would have never considered leaving. I loved him for three years. It's hard to turn off those reflexive emotions to him. The last year had been difficult, but when you care about someone it takes more than just a rough patch to give up. For me, it had been him telling me I should go. How could I stay and try to work things out if he wouldn’t? But after this morning…

Ryan switches on the TV and begins flipping through the channels. He stops and looks to me for input. I’m not much help. I'm worn out, both physically and mentally. My plan after finishing my dinner is to get ready for bed. I'm sure the noise of the TV won't disturb me so I tell Ryan to pick whatever he likes. He looks bummed that I’m tired but doesn’t say anything about it directly. He seems to be ignoring how tired he is himself, yawning frequently. I change into PJs in the bathroom and brush my teeth. I gaze enviously at the somewhat deep tub. The tub is a surprise given the age of the motel.

I wish I could take a bath and soak, but one of two things stops me. One: it would be weird to be naked one room over from him, and/or two, I am so tired I would probably fall asleep in it. I go back into the main room and get into bed. I turn so my back is to Ryan and don’t even remember falling asleep. The next morning, I wake up to the sound of the shower going. I look at the alarm clock and am shocked to see it's already after eight. I have slept soundly for almost twelve hours. I've also not gone to the bathroom in all that time, and the sound of the shower is not helping.

I try to block the splashing sound of the shower out of my mind. At one point, I contemplate just going in there, but luckily, I hear the shower switch off. I climb out of bed