Stages of Grace - By Carey Heywood Page 0,52

sleep, I mourn the loss of Kate's comfortable bed and I wonder if Kate and Ryan are still up, sitting by the pool. My last thought before sleep overtakes me is if they are missing me as well.

The next morning when I wake, it takes me a moment to figure out where I am. I turn my head to see Jon quietly sleeping beside me. After looking at the time on my phone, I decide there is no point trying to fall back asleep. I wander out to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee before warming up a muffin in the microwave and coating it with butter. I take my muffin and coffee over to the table and slowly nibble it and sip my coffee while they cool. Wanting some fruit I get up and am slicing a cantaloupe in half when Jon walks out. He nods in my direction, pours himself a cup of coffee and sits in his armchair.

"Is there anything you needed to do today?"

He pauses for a beat to consider my question, then shakes his head and turns on the TV. I take my cantaloupe and sit back down at the table, my back to him. I pinch my eyes shut as I try not to let my hopes fall. Is this what it’s going to be like between us? I'd hoped that my absence would in some way make Jon miss me. If Jon had missed me, he isn’t showing it. I can’t help but wonder what he's thinking. Is he even happy?

I slowly dig my spoon into the flesh of the fruit, my knuckles hitting the inside of the bowl I had made with its rind. My mind drifts to Ryan, to the feel of his arms around me as he said goodbye. I can still picture him as he stood in the airport to greet me that first day. I turn back to look at Jon as he watches TV. Now that he was working again, I'd hoped he would come out of whatever funk he seemed to be in.

Steeling myself, I get up and go sit closer to him on the sofa. "I think we should talk."

He mutes the TV. "About?"

I take a deep breath "Us."

"I'm listening."

"It feels like we don’t talk anymore."

He shrugs "We're talking right now."

"It didn’t use to be like this."

"Like what?"

I close my eyes."It just feels like you don’t even like me."

"I do."

"Do you?" I blush, opening my eyes. "You haven’t even touched me since I've been home."

Jon looks down at his hands.

"My grandmother asked me to move to Florida."

He hesitates "Are you?"

"I'm thinking about it."

His eyes search mine "What's stopping you?"

"You. Us."

He pauses "I think you should go" he says then looks away.

I struggle to take a breath. It feels like my lungs are burning. "You don’t want me to stay?"

He doesn’t respond, just turns back to the TV and unmutes it. My mouth drops as I process what has just happened. That’s it? That is what I have been waiting to hear all of this time? I stand, pulling the belt of my robe snug around my waist as I slowly walk back to our bedroom to lie down. I pull Jon's pillow to my chest and breathe in his scent. He thinks I should go. He had not even followed me knowing I was upset. He is lost to me. My Jon who had loved me is gone. I unplug my phone from the charger and call Kate.

"Kate?"

"Grace, are you alright?"

"I'll move to Florida."

"What happened? Are you alright?"

I’m crying and not able to reply right away. I can hear Ryan in the background and then some shuffling as I picture Kate handing him the phone.

"Grace?"

"I'm here."

"You sound like you're crying. Is everything okay?"

"I think Jon just broke up with me."

"Fucking idiot."

I hear him cover the speaker and say something to Kate.

"Kate says you'll move down."

"Mm hmm."

"Right away?"

"I have to call my boss and see if Jon can take over the lease. It renews next month. Maybe we'll both just move out."

"Kate wants to know if you're all right staying there in the mean time."

I rest my head on my hand "I guess. Part of me wishes I never came back."

"Everything's going to be okay. Kate and I are here to help you."

I look up and see Jon leaning on the doorframe.

"I need to go."

"Well, call back after you talk to your boss."

"Okay. Bye."

"So you're going to go?" Jon asks.

I nod, setting my phone