I feel far too close to Ryan so I swim over to the other side of the pool. If Ryan can tell why, he doesn’t say. He just turns so that his back is up against the pool wall as he faces me. The pool isn’t very big so the distance I've put between us doesn’t amount to much. He still feels too close, and with Kate gone and the wine, I feel shy and nervous.
I try not to look at him and turn my back to him, pretending to be very interested in the night sky. I tense when I hear water lapping the pool walls as he swims over to me.
He’s behind me. "Grace."
It’s almost a plea. I can’t turn to look at him. "Yes?"
"Grace, would you look at me?"
I don’t respond, and I don’t turn around. I have a feeling that if I do, he will kiss me. After a few moments, he leans against the pool wall just next to me.
"I just want you to know I think you're lovely."
I keep my head forward but peek at him from the side. His arms are on the pool deck, one hand on top of the other with his forehead resting on top.
"I think you are lovely too, Ryan."
His head pops up, and he rests his chin on his hand. He’s smiling. We stay like that for some time before I, like Kate, plead exhaustion. Ryan readies to leave, studying his shoes and telling me what time he’ll come pick me up to take me to the airport. I stand in my towel, on the lanai, and watch him leave. I’m kicking myself for not turning around in the pool, but it’s better this way. If he'd kissed me and it had been wonderful, it would be that much harder to go home. I lock the backdoor behind me and go to my room, pausing at the picture on the wall. I have become accustomed to seeing the faces from the photo before I go to bed.
I retrieve my cell phone from my room and snap a photo of the picture. It’s not the same, but it will do. I snuggle into the most comfortable bed I've ever slept on for one last night of sleep.
~*~
Over indulgence of wine can result in sleeping in. Days when you must get on an airplane are stressful enough without feeling as though you are already behind. I wake up an hour later than I had planned. I rush to the dryer to retrieve my clothes and dump them on my bed before taking a shower. Once I’m dressed, I pack my clean clothes and go off in search of Kate. She’s in the kitchen looking as though she is also suffering from the effects of too much wine. I’m relieved to see a fresh pot of coffee. Ryan had brought some croissants the day before and Kate has baking chocolate in the fridge, so I whip up a few chocolate croissants for us in the microwave. They’re hot so while they cool I go off in search of some Advil to assist with the dull thud in my head. Kate is quiet over breakfast. I feel like it’s my fault for not agreeing to stay. It's weird not knowing what to say to make her feel better.
I get up to clear the plates, and Kate stops me, putting her hand on my forearm. "Just know you still have family, Grace. I may be old, but we're all each other has left at this point. I want you to know that I love you and always will."
I sink down to my knees next to her and allow Kate to pull me into a hug. We’re both crying, I suddenly feel overwhelmed by the idea that I’m not alone in the world. I had clung to Jon after my parents’ deaths because of this. I’m not certain why Kate is crying, maybe it has something to do with my mother, maybe it is just because she will miss me. When we separate, Kate grabs a napkin to wipe my tears.
"Please know I've thought about staying. It’s just not a choice I can make this quickly, but know that even though I'm going back to Ohio today, I've not decided against coming back."
"It would make me so happy."
"I just need time to think" I say lowering my head.
She runs her hand gently over my hair. "I understand, dear."