Stages of Grace - By Carey Heywood Page 0,48

Kate answers for me. "She said no, but I'm hoping she'll change her mind."

Ryan's face falls, and I suddenly feel like crying. Why does this feel like a mistake? A somber mood drifts over the rest of our meal. It’s awful to imagine Ryan and Kate having dinner without me tomorrow. It’s too much for me, and I excuse myself, half of my food uneaten. I flee to my room and sit on the edge of my bed, my mind reeling. The idea of going back to Ohio is becoming physically painful but to stay somehow seems to scare me even more. I'm not one to make rash decisions. Even agreeing to come to Florida in the first place had been out of my comfort zone. The idea of leaving my life in Ohio behind and moving to Florida is incomprehensible.

I raise my head at the sound of a knock on the door. I dry my eyes and stand before saying, “Come in.” It’s Ryan.

"What's going on Grace?"

"I'm being silly. Please don’t worry about me. I'm sorry for seeming like such a basket case."

"A basket case?"

I laugh, guessing they don’t have that term in New Zealand. "A crazy person."

"Oh, I don’t think you're crazy."

"Thank you, Maybe I just feel crazy."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Trust me. If I told you everything that's going through my mind right now, you would change your mind about the whole crazy part."

Ryan sits in the armchair, steepling his hands in front of him. "Try me."

I hesitate, and he cocks his head at me, so I take a deep breath and begin. "I'm scared of moving to Florida. I've lived in Ohio my whole life, and it's all I've ever known. Yes, I'm not happy there right now, but I have a boyfriend, and even though things are not good right now, moving here this way would feel like giving up. I don’t know if I'm ready to give up, and I have a good job. If I came down here, would I be able to find anything like that? I know Kate said I wouldn’t have to worry about money or anything but I just can't do that. I would feel like a mooch."

"Mooch?"

"Someone who takes without giving anything back."

"Sorry, thought you said pooch, like a dog. I misheard you. But, I don’t think Kate would ever think that."

"But I would" I sigh.

He shrugs. "Fair enough. Carry on."

"So this whole idea is just making me feel crazy because I have no idea what to do. The idea of leaving is awful, but I feel like I can't just make a decision this big in a day."

"All very valid points, Grace. I'm sticking to my previous assessment that you're not crazy."

"So what do I do?"

"If it were up to me, I'd say stay but I'm partial to that outcome."

I blush and look at my hands. I'm nowhere closer to knowing what to do.

"Kate's worried she's upset you. Let's go back out and let her know you're having a little conflicted moment but it's all been settled." Ryan stands and reaches his hand out to me.

Taking it, I follow him back outside.

"I'm sorry if I'm becoming a pest," Kate says as soon as we’re back outside.

"No, I'm sorry. It's all me." I lean down to give her a hug.

"And it's nothing another glass of wine won't cure," Ryan says as he tops off all of our glasses.

"Trying to get us drunk?" I joke.

"All part of my master plan." He makes a very poor attempt to waggle his eyebrows. "I will go fetch another bottle to allow you two to laugh at my expense in my absence."

When he walks into the kitchen, Kate and I look at each other and dissolve into laughter. He looks extremely offended when he comes back and we are still laughing, which only causes us to laugh harder.

"I'm disappointed by this turn of events," he deadpans, taking a large drink of his wine.

At some point during the second bottle of wine, Ryan talks me into putting on my swimsuit as this might be my last opportunity to swim in the pool before I leave. Not having a valid argument to that, I go put it on, and we get into the pool.

I’m now feeling pretty tipsy. Ryan and I drape our arms over the edge and chat with Kate. We start a third bottle of wine not too long after that, but pleading exhaustion, Kate goes to bed, leaving us alone.