Splintered Memory - By Natascha Holloway Page 0,100
didn’t know how long it was, he talked and Charlie listened. He told her everything without limitation. He told her about the one night stand that he’d had with Emily the night before they’d slept together and she’d left him, and about all the other women that he’d been with after she’d gone. He talked openly about his relationship with Emily, and how had it not been for her he may have overdosed. He told her about how he’d continued to treat patients despite being high, and how he could easily have killed someone.
He was honest with her about his drinking, his drug addiction, and about how low everything in his life had gotten. He explained to her about hitting rock bottom, and how he’d pushed everyone away to the extent where Emily had been the only one able to help him. He told her about rehab, and he explained why Emily had had to move in with him when he’d come home.
When he finally finished talking he looked into her face, and he waited for her to respond. Yet she didn’t, and there was silence between them for more than four minutes before Matt was unable to stand it any longer. He reached for hands and said; “Charlie, please say something.”
She pulled her hands away from him, and she refused to look up at him as she said; “I don’t know what to say. There’s just so much going on inside my head right now.”
“Tell me,” he said.
“I’m angry with you for turning to drink and drugs. I thought you were better than that, but I feel guilty that I drove you to that. I’m feeling jealous, and hurt, and betrayed, but I’m also really annoyed with myself. What the hell have I been doing? Why haven’t I been sleeping around? I feel badly for Emily, and not just for the way you’ve treated her but because of all the horrible things I’ve thought about her. Mostly though, I just feel guilty. I feel unbelievably guilty. How did I cause so much damage?” She asked desperately before finally looking up into his face.
“The drink, but mostly the drugs, was stupid and I am better than that. But please, please don’t for a second blame yourself. I did it and the guilt lies with me. As for the other women I don’t know what to say, except to say that you have no reason to feel jealous of them. Selfishly though,” he said; “I’m glad that you haven’t been sleeping around,” and he smiled at her.
Charlie didn’t return his smile though, and despite feeling like he’d just blown everything he said; “you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about when it comes to Emily. She’s my cross to bear and I will, but you need to know that I love you and I’m willing to do anything to make things right between us. I want you back Charlie.”
He reached for her hands again, and he felt devastated when she pulled them away from him once more.
“You really think we can go back?” Charlie asked him sceptically.
“No,” he said. “But I think with our history, and the way that I feel about you, there’s a chance that we can move forward.”
Silence resumed, and Matt felt his heart breaking. They were done. There were just too many truths for Charlie to cope with. Yet Bex had been right about one thing, at least now he knew.
“I love you so much that I was making myself be happy for you and Emily. I wanted you to be happy, and I didn’t want to risk hurting you again. But now you’re here, and you’re asking me if I think we have a future? I’ve been hoping for this every day since my memory came back, but maybe... I think maybe there’s just too much water under the bridge,” Charlie said looking into his face reproachfully.
“Is it the drugs? Is it the other women? Or is it Emily that you can’t forgive me for?” Matt asked her, but she didn’t answer him. “Charlie,” he said hoping that she’d at least look at him again; “I need to know.”
“It’s all of it,” she said making him feel like his heart was being torn in two. “It’s none of it,” she said which made the pain immediately subside.
“You can forgive me?” He asked her hopefully.
Charlie looked at him and it was clear to him that she was between two minds, but as he sat watching her she shocked