guys. She’s attracted to all types.
“We were bored with each other,” she admits. “We couldn’t really make conversation. And yes, sometimes I’m not in a relationship for conversation, but I do want to be able to talk to the guy before and after the good stuff, you know what I mean?”
I have zero experience with that, but I nod like I do.
“Were you attracted to him sexually?” I ask.
“Sort of. He was a decent kisser. But that’s about as far as it got before I realized maybe he wasn’t the guy for me.” She sends me a quick look. “Hayden says I’m addicted to the chase. Once I catch them, I’m over it.”
“Maybe you are,” I say gently. I definitely think Hayden is onto something.
“That sucks. Makes me sound shallow.”
“I’m thinking it’s more you just haven’t found the right guy yet,” I say, not wanting her to believe she’s shallow. She’s not. Gracie has substance. She’s smart and fun and she wants to be a teacher and work with little kids. That’s awesome. So what if she hasn’t figured out what she wants in a guy? This is why she keeps dating all sorts of them.
She’s trying to find the perfect man for her.
“I suppose,” she says, sounding weary. “My mom says you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”
“Sounds like your mom is wise.” I pause. “Or she really likes clichés.”
Gracie laughs. “Both. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I need to go on a man ban and focus on my path to discovery. A little self-help is always good for the soul.”
“A man ban?” I laugh. “I like the way that sounds.”
“You should join me. I’m sure you’d benefit from a man ban too, since Jackson always strings you along.” She presses her lips together, regret on her face. “That sounded mean. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s true.” Until last night. “Here’s where I say I have something to tell you.”
“Oooh, what is it?”
“You can’t tell anyone.”
She holds up her hand. “Scout’s honor.”
“Not even Hayden.”
“What? I don’t like keeping secrets from her! More like it’s impossible for me to keep secrets from her.”
I sigh. “Seriously, Gracie. This is big. And I want to be the one who tells Hayden.”
I’m terrified of what Hayden might say though. And Gracie too. But the cat is halfway out of the bag so I don’t have a choice.
“What is it?”
Here we go.
“Jackson came over to my apartment last night and…” I don’t finish the sentence.
Gracie’s quiet for a moment. The silence is a killer. I’m literally squirming in my seat.
“And what?” she finally asks.
“We kind of…hooked up.”
She squeals. So loud, I wish for the silence again. My ears are literally ringing.
“Are you fucking serious?” she screeches.
“Yes! Can you believe it?” I shout, then immediately clear my throat. I need to calm down. “We did.”
“What happened?”
“Um...” It’s hard for me to say the words out loud.
“P into V?”
“No.”
“Mouth on P. BJ.”
I shake my head.
“Ooh, mouth on V.” Her smile is dirty, there is no other way to describe it.
“I wish,” I say on a sigh.
“Did he finger you, Ellie?” I slap my hands over my face and she bursts out laughing. “Oh my God, he did! He finger-banged you!”
“I’ve always hated that term. It’s so…crass.”
She laughs some more. “Please tell me he made you come.”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Nice! Did you give him a hand job?”
“No.”
“No?” She sounds almost alarmed.
“He said he wanted to take care of me,” I admit.
Another sigh leaves her. “He’s got a serious hero complex with you. Hayden is right. He has a thing about always rushing in to take care of you.”
“Why do you think he does that?” I ask, genuinely curious. I’ve tried to figure him out, but I’m at a loss most of the time.
“He’s put you on a pedestal. A lot of men do this. I think it’s called the Madonna whore complex? Like, he desires you, but you’re his friend and he respects you too, so in his head, he shouldn’t fuck with you,” she explains, frowning. “I’m messing this up. But I think you know what I mean.”
“I do,” I say, glancing out the window. “I don’t want him to see me as some sort of Virgin Mary he can’t touch.”
“Are you a virgin, Ellie?”
“I am.” And I’m not even embarrassed by it. I’m only eighteen. I’ve never really had a serious boyfriend before. Last night with Jackson is as far as I’ve ever taken it.
But I’m ready to do more.
“That’s a lot