sorry Ryan didn’t call.”
“It’s no big deal,” I lie. “And I thought you knew better than to mention it to Mom.”
“When you weren’t sure if you could make it, I had to tell them something.”
“I just don’t want to be asked about it by Mom. Even if I never hear from Ryan again, she’ll be questioning me about him for the next decade.”
“Sorry,” she mutters weakly. “Can I ask you something without your getting mad or saying no right away?”
“No.”
“Andy, come on.”
“What is it?”
“There’s an attorney I’ve seen at a few closings. He’s very nice and smart and he’s single. I think you’d really like him.”
I switch off my bedside light, snuggle under the covers, and blink in the darkness until my eyes gradually adjust enough to discern the dark familiar shape of my bedroom. I feel Tiger curl up beside me. “Is there a question in there?” I ask.
“You know what the question is.”
I sigh. “Not interested.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not. Thanks anyway.”
“Andy,” she whines.
“Not now Laur. I’m tired, okay?”
“Okay, fine. But promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it.” I relent to end the conversation. “Good night and drive carefully.”
“I will. Your time will come, Andy. He’s out there somewhere,” she says softly, sounding disappointed for me.
A tight knot of frustration forms in my stomach, and I feel my anger bubbling to the surface. “Good night,” I repeat before ending the call.
I roll over abruptly and startle Tiger into jumping off the bed. I’ve made a successful career for myself. I’ve worked hard and bought my own home. I am generally a happy and contented person, but as far as my family is concerned, unless I get married and have a family of my own, I will never truly be successful. As for me, I can’t even begin to think about what I want. It’s as though I have no control over that part of my life. I’ve been dating for years. That’s the only part of my life in which I can’t manage to find success, and I’m afraid that if I let myself want it too badly it won’t be for the right reasons anymore. I believe that I’m actually happier when I’m not dating and being disappointed over and over again. What’s so bad about saying that I’m simply done for a while? I could take a dating sabbatical for a few years. I’ve really applied myself and I just can’t make it work right now. I can give up for a bit if I want to. Can’t I?
Sleep does not come as I lay there in the darkness in that place between slumber and wakefulness. It’s only when I purposely put those thoughts away that I finally drift off.
fourteen
“Karthik quit.”
“What?” Nate and I ask in unison.
“Steve is gone, too. He and Karthik went to Cronus Technologies.” Phil, a light-haired, diminutive software engineer that I’ve had some dealings with is standing in the space between Nate’s cubicle and mine.
“When did this happen?” Nate asks.
Phil turns to him. “Yesterday afternoon. Once they gave their notice, they were both escorted out of the building. They couldn’t take anything with them.”
“I’m sure they took whatever they wanted before they resigned,” I say. Steve is one of Karthik’s lead engineers. They have been a team for a long time.
“They came and said good-bye to a few of us. Told us where they were going,” Phil confirms.
“That’s it then,” Nate stands up. “The exodus begins.”
He’s right. This is generally how it works. Unexpected changes made without adequate explanations causes panic in the ranks. Then a few key people jump ship, and a domino effect begins. Nobody wants to be the one left to turn off the lights. I look at Phil. “So, did you catch their work?”
He nods. “For now. That’s why I’m here. I need to see the white papers before you guys post them. We were just told to slash some features.”
I roll my eyes. I now have to rework the white papers, again. “Why?”
“Napa wants it out the door next month.”
“But the deal hasn’t even officially been approved yet.” Nate moves outside the perimeter of his cube walls. “How can they start telling us what to do?”
“I think they’re already making a lot of changes by proxy,” Phil answers, having to crane his neck back to talk to Nate.
Nate’s face is beginning to flush.
“I’ll tell Rob to hold off on posting them, and I’ll send them to you by email this afternoon,” I offer. I’m already