these stairs, to bear witness to the struggle because it’s not going to be pretty, so I stop.
“Seamus?” she calls. Her voice sounds lighter. “Remember that gift I gave you that pissed you off?”
I nod because now I’m thinking.
“I’m not telling you what to do, but if you didn’t already chop it up and make toothpicks out of it, today would be a good day to take it for a test drive.”
The nod continues because relief is pouring in.
The next several hours are a blur.
I explain what’s going on to the kids in non-scary terms, even though I have no idea what’s going on. Reality in non-scary terms is how I’ve always approached my kids with my disease. Basically, I tell them I’m having trouble with my eye, and that Faith is taking me to the hospital so the doctor can make it better. I’m not sure if it’s true, but that’s what I tell them.
I use the cane.
I call in sick to work.
Faith drives us and we drop my kids off at school.
Faith drives me to the hospital.
We wait in the ER for hours.
I see a neurologist.
He confirms MS is the culprit behind the blindness.
There’s a good chance it’s temporary.
But it could be permanent.
He consults with my doctor and writes me a prescription.
Faith drives me to the pharmacy.
The pharmacist gives me steroids in exchange for a swipe of my credit card that’s almost maxed out.
Faith drives me to pick up my kids from school.
Faith drives us all home.
When she kills the engine, and the kids jump out and run up the stairs to our apartment, I’m not sure what to do next. I’ve spent all day with her and we haven’t spoken two words to each other. She’s done everything I needed without instruction or direction because I was lost in my body’s breakdown. The last thing I said to her this morning was the thank you that wasn’t thank you enough. And I want to say it again. But again, it’s insufficient. So, I look at her and say the words I feel bone deep, “So much more than thank you.”
Her confusion is evident when her eyebrows pull together, a crease forming between them. She has a very expressive face. I’ve watched it closely all day and seen a wide range of emotions. “So much more than thank you?” she questions.
“Thank you isn’t enough to express my appreciation,” I sincerely clarify.
Understanding lights in her eyes and the confusion crease disappears as a soft smile slowly spreads across her face. “So much more than you’re welcome.”
I can’t help but smile, and then I let out a long breath.
“I have a few frozen pizzas. Mind if I come up and we have a Friday night pizza party?”
“I can cook, Faith. You’ve already done enough.” I feel awful that I’ve killed her entire day.
“I know you can. This is me asking for a favor. Maybe I just don’t want to be alone.” She’s still smiling, but a hint of sadness touches her eyes.
The tables have turned. I get to help her. I can help her. I unbuckle my seatbelt and nod once in all-out agreement. “Friday night pizza party it is. Let’s do this.”
The rest of the evening is spent in apartment three—the five of us eating pizza, Kira even tried a piece when Faith offered it, which is groundbreaking considering it’s not one of her normal foods; singing karaoke, Kira’s rendition of “Hello” by Adele was over the top dramatic and made all of us smile; and watching a Disney movie we’ve all seen dozens of times but still love.
It was the best ending to one of the worst days I’ve ever had.
She’s kind of a bitch
present
The chorus from “Evil Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra is blaring at me, unkindly waking me from a deep, somewhat enjoyable sleep. It’s Miranda’s ringtone. I know it’s juvenile, I know, but it’s an inside joke that takes the edge off and allows me to answer the phone with an unfeeling, “Hello,” rather than an aggressive fuck you.
“Where in the hell are you?” she screeches.
I open my eyes and try to adjust to wakefulness, partial blindness, and verbal aggression all at the same moment. I have to admit I don’t like any of them and close my eyes again before I answer, “What?”
“Where in the hell are you?” she repeats louder this time. “I’ve been waiting for ten minutes.”
Shit.
Shit.
With everything that happened yesterday, I forgot about Miranda being in town this weekend for my